Cross-Dress for Success!

In honor of Hairspray and John Travolta’s somewhat frightening turn as a gal, we give our Sick-Sick Six picks for who so needs to don drag. Plus, Katie Holmes and Suri hit New Yawk, while Danny DeVito has a View redo, kinda/sorta, across the pond! Plus, who’s doing it digitally in our Blind Vice?

Delish-ee-oh-so gab on a fragrant, yet unshowered, Justin Timberlake Monday, but before then, let’s get in saccharine synch, if only slightly:

The young 'n' pimply lined up outside trend-chasing Kitson Saturday to catch a glimpse of Hairspray hottie Zac Efron, along with Amanda Bynes, Nikki Blonsky, and Elijah Kelley, all of whom came out to celebrate the launch of the flick-inspired jewelry line. You didn’t go? Had a Nicole Richie book-signing to attend, instead? Naughty you!

Now, not nearly as bling-minded were the movie's other (older) starts, Michelle Pfeiffer, Christopher Walken, Queen Latifah and John Travolta, who were not in attendance at the teenfest. Even naughtier, to be sure.

Can't say I wasn't totally bummed or maybe just relieved that J.T. wasn't there decked out in lady gear, Edna Turnblad style, but whatev. In the spirit of all things gaudy, I asked blond babe Amanda Bynes what other H-town head she thought could pull off the cross-dressin' bit, sauf J.T., natch.

"It's a personal choice," the extravagantly bronzed A.B. blurted. Remember, ‘course, A.B. played a boy herself in She’s the Man. Other Hairspray doll Nikki Blonsky insisted that she could be the next pants-donnin' dude. "I think I'd play a mean man," joked the buxom brunette.

Of course, we have our own opinions on who in Hollywood has the chops and cojones to rock a cross-dressing role. So, here’s our Sick-Sick Six list of who definitely should be doin’ drag on the big screen—or in their oversize bathrooms, we don’t really care. Now, grab your wigs and binding tape, boys 'n' gals, this list is gonna be rough:

6. Hear It:  An ambiguous guitar-totin' musician would be perf for big-boned yet supremely supple Fergie. I mean, she’s so damn hot, regardless which sexual direction she should decide to slink in, it’d be a stellar-sensual performance, fer sure. Josh’s babe could play a tortured, cross-dressing country singer who briefly marries a famous, adored woman, perhaps?

5. Flannel It:  Can anyone else besides moi see a men’s-shirt-flashin', cropped-cut Paris Hilton kickin' mucho woman-to-man ass as the lead in the sequel Boys Don't Cry 2: Life in Lynwood? Hope so! Would be fab. And besides, everybody—not just Julianne Moore—knows that once the original lead gets the Oscar, thank you very much, Ms. Foster, the second time round is much less demanding, perf territory for our very own Pare-poo.

4. Ugly It:  The made-for-TV-movie about the tumultuous, crotch-crazy times of Andy Dick is so begging for Life on the D-List diva Kathy Griffin to don a curly blond wig—skip the makeup artist, natch.

3. Buzz It:  If supershorn Brit should lose those atrocious wigs she's been rockin' as of late, maybe she'd have a chance at a comeback…playing an ex-con with a penchant for Cheetos and Red Bull on Prison Break—think it’s simply divine, you? As if B.S.’ rehab nemesis, Lindsay L., would have the cojones to pull that one off!

2. Love It:  Am I the only sports-lovin’ fruit who is so dying to see Dennis Rodman take on the Oscar-winning role (I’m sure) he was born to play: Venus and Serena Williams’ inspiring yet utterly cat-clawing biopic, Final Net: The Big-Hair, Big 'Tude Story of Sisters in Competition? Carmen’s ex, fer sure, could play both talented legends with bitchy aplomb—after all, Ms. E's quite deft at choosing men who are expert at playing both sides of the feisty fashion fence, eh?

1. Dainty It:  Zac Efron. Forget Footloose, the movie Mr. Ef should be remaking is so Tootsie’s Daughter, or something. Z’s already so pretty as a guy, we bet he’d be just as beautiful as a babe. Give it a whirl, girl!

Now, we all know being a celebrity is difficult, right? Well, at least that’s what I’ve been told, assume it’s true. Certain famous folk such as Michael Jackson and Kirstie Alley are simply driven to put terrible chemicals or foods and such flowing through their bods, as a result. 'Course, Posh Spice and Paula Abdul prance round on steady diets of dubious TV, not food, but they’re exceptions, I trust.

That said, here we have three tales of sustenance and celebrity:

Suri Cruise, that jet-settin’ tyke, tore up Pastis last week in New Yawk. Musta been girls’ night out, as Katie and Suri came into the chic restaurant sans Tom. Off in some soccer match locker room for a postgame confab, Tommy? Regardless, back at Pastis, fellow diners at the Frenchie hang report Katie spent the entire time chasing Suri around the eatery—a fab way to diet, if I’ve ever heard one. Now, if this indeed becomes a pattern for K.C., the midwestern mama will have no need to resort to some of those more popular Hollywood ways of avoiding croissants and salamis, n’est-ce pas?

Oh, also, I should add that despite Suri’s out-of-control antics, ear-and-eyeball witnesses agreed that Katie seemed “perfectly happy and completely down to earth.” Who knows, maybe she is? And maybe Lindsay’s really clean these days.

Raising plucked eyebrows overseas in London’s Locanda Locatelli (too trendy Italian joint the likes of Madonna simply live for) was The View’s resident schnockered correspondent, Danny DeVito. D2 was spotted dining ultrachic with wife-unit Rhea Perlman and six other "audience members," let’s call them. Mr. D was actually lying extravagantly sideways on the dining banquette, causing curious patrons to gawk, rather retro-View va-va voom, I assure you. Also amusing was the bottle the table was imbibing from: Premium Limoncello, natch, with Danny’s notorious name blasted on it!

Yep, the comic actually got a deal to produce his own branded line of limoncello after his notorious liquored-up chat-fest appearance. Way to turn lemons into lemon-flavored alcohol, Dan-doll. Let’s just hope D.D. was joking this time round and not really about to pass out in front of big-hair babes like Bah-bah and Joy B.

And lastly, gunning in a far more plebian fashion in DeeCee was weekend puffy political posture man Tim Russert, angling outta Bassin’s Liquor on MacArthur Boulevard in the City of Fallen Presidents, early ayem last weekend. As Russert’s coiffure was entirely askew, glasses were on, and was looking “a little hair of the dog,” insists my always reliable Desk DeeCee, I have no question about this Meet the Press sighting, really.

I’d drink, too, if I had to be a news-breaking journalist in a town where Laura Bush is taking 234,000 years, it seems, to leave her hubby.