Oh, it’s just bitchy ‘n’ so very backstabbing here in Hell-Ay for the fashion shows, just ask peeps patrolling Paris and sundry other stiletto types who are, uh, wobbling through the week, shall we say? And Posh, what the eff happened to your vamp-o-meter, already? Yikes!
Jack Nicholson

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I’m not sure which is more painfully funny, John Malkovich’s fey, lethally pathetic turn as a con artist imitating a famous director in Color Me Kubrick (out this Friday), or Jack Nicholson reportedly pulling the plug on his daughter’s huge-ass fashion expenses.
Jennifer Nicholson

Paul Fenton/ZUMApress.com

You remember Jennifer Nicholson from last year’s Hell-Ay Fashion Week, right? She was seen by several peeps playing the entitled-famous-person’s-daughter role, snapping at the myriad worker bees (doing styling, catering, etc.), all said to be paid for by Daddy. 

Well, karma’s a bitch, I know. ‘Cause sales ain't exactly been gangbusters for Ms. En’s not terribly commercial designs (think Laura Ashley meets Trashy Lingerie) and—inside threaded word has it—Papa En is shying away from supporting any more of Jenny’s duds, as Jack said, “No more money for clothes that do not sell.” At least, that’s what I’m told by those who aided Jen in the past. 

Oh, how very sensible and non-Hollywood of the award-winning Nicholson, n’ est-ce pas?

Time to break out your overpriced, tattooed sweatpants and hoodies! Yes, dolls, as I hinted above, it’s frolickin’ Fashion Week here in Hell-Ay.

2BFree had its show at Boulevard3, and a slew of semihot celebs came to watch. Some stars even walked, like Paris Hilton, but more on that mess later.

Elisha Cuthbert

Paul Fenton/ZUMApress.com

On the carpet, I chatted up Elisha Cuthbert, who was sporting a totally cute new cropped 'do, about the banned billboards for her upcoming movie Captivity.  

In case you haven’t seen or heard, the graphic ads depicting Elisha in various stages of “abduction, confinement, torture and termination” are causing quite the stir here in Hollywood. In fact, After Dark Films agreed to take them all down by 2 peeyem on Tuesday, saying they were printed accidentally (uh, hasn't exactly happened).  

“There was an original poster that was made up for some overseas countries,” Elisha explained. “But the posters here in L.A. and New York are the domestic ones. I think they show what the movie’s going to be about, which is various stages of captivity. We definitely raised the bar as far as the gore goes.” 

Ew. Sounds like a great romantic date movie—not. I asked E.C. if she thought peeps might be turned off by the gruesome ads.

“No, I think if you love horror, that’s exactly what you’re looking for,” she said. “And you know what? The posters are nothing compared to the stuff that happens in the movie.” 

I think I’ll pass, thanks.

Hayden Panettiere

John Shearer/WireImage.com

On to far more luscious things at 2BFree, like the actual catwalk. Front and center for the show, alongside Elisha (seated next to Brandon Davis, poor gal), were Hayden Panettiere, Robbie Williams, Tara Reid, Josh Henderson and an emaciated-looking Jenna Jameson trying desperately to channel Posh.
Now, Paris opened the show in hot pink leggings, a gray tee and pink shades. The crowd seemed a bit underwhelmed, as was I. First off, P-woman’s extensions looked like she borrowed them from Britney.
Paris Hilton

John Shearer/WireImage.com

Secondly, the gangly gal is not the most graceful. She sort of galloped down the runway and tried to do a sex-ay spin, mid-catwalk, making her sunglasses fall down her face. Oops.

Not only did P. open the show, she closed it as well. For her grand fumble, Paris exited onto the wrong wing and then crossed back across the runway to get on the correct side before the models’ curtain call.

Carmen Electra

Gregg DeGuire/WireImage.com

Oh well. Suppose these harshly lit boo-boos aren’t the end of the world, especially considering Carmen Electra and Alison Sweeney did total face-plants last week during the Max Factor show, right?
Jamie Foxx

Lisa O?Connor/ZUMAPress.com

Jamie Foxx, makin’ it a very late night in Miami. The night owl Oscar winner hit Nikki Beach and Pearl at 3 ayem Sunday night…Someone better not be working Monday! Jamie, his boys and his bodyguard arrived in a stretch limo and took a VIP table, where he ordered bottles of Patrón, Dom Pérignon and Belvedere. Evidently, all that alcohol works up an appetite, 'cause J.F. and crew got a pizza delivered to their table at 4:15 ayem. Now, that’s some serious service! Not quite so VIP elsewhere was...
Jesse Metcalfe

Ferdaus Shamim/WireImage.com

Jesse Metcalfe, wandering around Area Saturday night here in Hell-Ay. Seems Jesse, low-key in a red baseball cap, didn’t have a table, so he was forced to stand amongst the commoners. Maybe that’s why he took off and hit Mood, where he was seen sucking face with g-f Nadine Coyle before going to Element and, finally, to Xenii after hours. Four clubs in one night? I think he mighta broke Britney’s record, gross. What the eff are ya tryin’ to prove, boyfriend?
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