Have you ever tried to keep a secret so juicy, so jaw-dropping and so freaking spill-worthy, you felt as though your insides might explode if you didn't let it out and tell someone?

Well, in the interest of not ending up like Violet Beauregarde, I’m starting a new, weekly (yes, you heard me, weekly!) feature right here in WWK Central: Blind Wednesday. This is my chance to share with you all the scandalous, salacious and sometimes laugh-out-loud funny bidness that goes down in this town—without, of course, naming names. (‘Cause, sadly for you, I still dig my job and my life, and I wanna keep 'em both.)

Now, here’s the really cool part. Because we have this newfangled Comments section below, which should now be working in all its glory, you have a very obvious and convenient locale to talk amongst yourselves about these Wednesday Blinds.

So, here goes our inaugural Blind Humpy contenders...

Self-Lovin' Sally: I don’t hate Sally because she’s beautiful. I just want to pull her hair (or better yet, her false eyelashes), because she's so insistent on being the belle of the ball. Gag. Let me explain. Whenever Sally hits a soiree, she makes absolutely sure she is the last one to arrive on the red carpet—because only losers and Z-listers show up early, you see. You gotta make reporters wait for you if you're an A-lister, and, oh, Lordy, do we ever wait. On many occasions, Sally has waited in a parked limo right next to the red carpet (how's that for moronic?) until an hour after the last celebrity has gone inside, just to make sure we all know she's the queen bee. Then, when she finally emerges, it's as if Sally has fire ants in her Spanx, because she scurries past reporters, granting only one or two lightning-quick interviews. Meanwhile, if a single hair is out of place, one of her handlers (there are many) will jump in front of her, blocking the camera, to fix it. Mid-interview. As if this were normal. This is divine divadom at its finest, y'all. Take it from a diva who knows!

Wandering Wally: Everyone loves Wally. Everyone! But what they don’t know (at least, I certainly didn’t!) is that Wally also has an interesting, er, hobby that is becoming somewhat well known among his coworkers. He likes the ladies, especially the, uh, working gals, if you know what I mean. So much so that on a recent project, a handler had to be hired to manage (dare I say, schedule?) these lovely ladies for dear ol’ Wally. And let me just tell you if you were to hear his name, your jaw would be crashing through the floor to China right now. Because chances are, he’s one of your TV favorites, too.

Guesses? Theories? Comment away below!

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