"Well, you and I have different management styles. I believe work should be fun, and you try to crush people's spirits. What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose?"—Lindsay
"I don't criticize you! And if you're worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense."—Lucille
"Not tricks, Michael, illusions. A trick is something a whore does for money."—Gob
"Well, Michael, you really are quite the Cupid, aren't you? I tell you, you can sink your arrow into my buttocks any time."—Tobias
"I'm a monster!"—Buster
Lindsay: "Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free." Lucille: "Really? Did nothing cancel?"
"What's Spanish for 'I know you speak English?'"—Lucille
"I've made a huge mistake."—Gob
"I heard the jury's still out on science."—Gob
"I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run if you will, so I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands."—Tobias
"OK, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over: An analyst and a therapist, the world's first 'analrapist.'"—Tobias
"No touching!"—Prison guard
"It's the last time you'll see these!"—Kitty
"Swoop me, dragon!" – Uncle Jack
"I'm afraid I just blue myself."—Tobias
Tobias: "As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch."Michael: "Really? When did that start?"Tobias: "Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help."