Someone bit Beyoncé and lived to tell about it. After several leads turned out to be to dead ends, James Corden and his celebrity news team tried to crack the case on The Late Late Show. In Thursday's hilarious parody, Helen Hunt opened it by saying, "Welcome to CBS This Evening."
"It's the evening," Corden said. "It's CBS. It's CBS This Evening."
"Good evening, everyone," Hunt told viewers. "The search continues."
"That's right," Corden said. "It's been five days since this story was first reported, and with every additional day that passes, this is quickly becoming one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of our time." Hunt agreed with her co-anchor's assessment of the situation, saying, "Indeed. At this point, there are only two worlds that exist: The world before March 26, 2018, and the world after March 26, 2018...or whenever you saw the story trending on Twitter."
Corden continued, "So, the unanswered question still remains: Who bit Beyoncé?" Hunt then introduced CBS This Evening's "elite investigative news team": Chris O'Dowd and Ben Schwartz.
Before O'Dowd could share his report, Corden turned his attention to Hunt. "James, as we all know, news of Beyoncé's alleged biter first broke after a GQ interview with Tiffany Haddish went viral earlier this week," she said. "One thing we know for sure is that according to Tiffany Haddish—and now confirmed by Chrissy Teigen—the person who bit Beyoncé is an actress."
"That makes sense. Actresses are crazy," Corden said. "Am I right—or am I right?"
Cut to Schwartz, who was on the ground. "The denials keep rolling in, and as of now, Lena Dunham, Jennifer Lawrence and Frances McDormand have all denied biting Beyoncé," he said. Back in the studio, Hunt cleared herself, insisting, "Helen Hunt has also denied biting Beyoncé."
"If she did bite Beyoncé, how would she do it?" Corden asked. "And what would it taste like?
"Lemonade, probably," Schwartz quipped.
When the camera turned to O'Dowd, he used graphics to illustrate his findings. "As you can see from this chart, these are the ladies—all of the single ladies," O'Dowd said. "Now, to the left, to the left, everything we know is in a box to the left." And "everything we know" is "still nothing."
"There you have it," Corden said, seemingly satisfied. "Excellent work, Chris."
"We'll be back with more breaking developments regarding who bit Beyoncé," Corden continued. Moments later, he yelled, "This just in. The person who bit Beyoncé was actually—"