Revolutions are, like, such a major bummer. And so is Marie Antoinette, director Sofia Coppola’s frothy, candy-colored, self-consciously anachronistic take on France’s infamous monarch.

Kirsten Dunst stars as Antoinette, who’s imported from Austria to wed the awkward dauphin Louis XVI (Jason Schwartzman). Much to the concern of the court, their arranged marriage isn’t consummated for seven years, for reasons never fully explained (though history books will tell you why). When the old king croaks, young Louis inherits the throne, and Antoinette becomes their let-them-eat-cake queen.

Bored by all the duties and protocol, she turns to shopping, partying and drinking, illustrated by music-video-worthy montages scored with ‘80s new wave. Okay, we get it—we’re living in a material world and girls just wanna have fun, regardless of the era. Unfortunately, Marie itself is as glossy and vacuous as a pop song.

Shot on location, the production looks gorgeous, as does Dunst, whether she’s lingering in expansive doorways at Versailles (see, she’s sooo isolated!) or strolling through sun-dappled country fields.

Despite the source material, this sketchy bio is woefully lacking in the drama department, with repetitive bedroom scenes (no action there) and lots of trite dialog (e.g., “I like her, she’s fun!”). Trapped in its own decadent, frivolous world, the film provides little historical or political context, so the storming of the Bastille (mentioned but not seen) and the onset of the Revolution feel tacked on and lack any emotional resonance. And don’t bother hoping for a guillotine scene!

The queen may keep her head here, but this Marie is pretty brainless.

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