Mom knows best! Except when she doesn't...according to "judgy" people.
In honor of the recent release of A Bad Moms Christmas, the comedy sequel starring Kristen Bell, Mila Kunis and Kathryn Hahn, we asked some real moms to share parenting stories that prove that mothers are only human. And some are damn genius.
1. Holy... "I left my youngest daughter at church one Sunday! Got about 3 minutes away and ask my two other girls how Sunday School was! They answered and I said 'Tess how about you?' My oldest said 'Tess isn't here!' Needless to say I made a U-turn and raced back to church only to find sweet Tess standing all alone on the sidewalk with her purse and Bible!"
2. There Are No "Bad Words": "Bad words are not bad words, they are 'adult words' and since we are adults, we get to use them whenever we want, and so will she when she is old enough. Every couple months we let her pick one to say, in private, whatever one she wants. You know what she picks? Stupid. And she giggles after she says it and never repeats us or gets in trouble for using "adult words". It's the best rule I've ever come up with."
3. Well, F--k: "When my little sister was younger, she couldn't say the word 'truck,' she would say 'f--k.' Whenever we were at Toys 'R Us, our mom would say 'What toy do you want?!' really loud just so she would say 'A f--k! I want a f--k!' She just thought it was so funny."
4. Happy Halloween: "I can't take my kids trick-or-treating without some 'mom juice' in my cup, but this year some of it spilled in my son's bucket when he asked me hold his candy and I was trying to steal a piece. When I came home to check his candy I had to clean it off and throw a bunch of "infected" pieces away because the whole bucket reeked of wine."
5. Mommy Needs Her Sleep: "When I don't want to hear my daughter in the middle of the night I just turn the monitor off. She usually figures it out."
6. Mommy Really Needs Her Sleep: "I pretend to still be asleep every Saturday morning when my 20 month old runs into our bedroom, gets two inches away from my face, puts her hand on my cheeks and says "Mommy? Mommy?Good morning Mommy?" It's an Academy Award worthy fake pretend sleep act I put on until she runs off.. we are slowly teaching her the single most important rule in our house—that this mom gets to sleep in on the weekends!"
7. I See a Teacher Gawking at Me: "When my son's state report was not accepted because the teacher said it was 15 minutes late (don't mind that everyone in my house was sick that morning!) I charged into her 5th grade classroom after school and proceeded to tell her many things that generally don't come out of my mouth. Everyone around could hear. The principal called me and asked me not to return to campus."
8. BRB, Calling Jessica Simpson: "I would tell my daughters that tuna was chicken for years so they would eat it. They didn't learn it was fish until they were old enough to learn from friends at school."
9. Oops: "I accidentally locked my son in the car with the keys, when both my dog and cat were in there and he wasn't in his car seat. Luckily the windows were cracked enough to open the door after 20 min. It wasn't hot or anything but just funny because he was climbing all around the car."
10. Elf on a Shelf: "My nephew found his elf on a shelf in my sisters bedroom drawer in the middle of summer and asked why he was there. My brother in law thought quickly and told my nephew that Santa heard he was being naughty at school so the elf came to check on him."
11. Grape or Cherry? "I've given my kids Tylenol to help them fall asleep."
12. "George Knew Just What To Do! ... and Lived Happily Ever After": "There's always the classic skipping a few pages when reading them a bed time story just to finish sooner."
13. Genius Mom: "I buy chocolate mint ice cream because I know our boys don't like it, and I won't have to share any with them."