Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats as Vanderpump Theatre is about to begin.
As any true Vanderpump Rules fan knows, there's a beloved-but-uncredited character who tends to make an appearance once or twice every season, but their presence lingers like the smoke from one of James Kennedy's cigarettes around the Bravo hit. We are, of course, talking about Tequila Katie aka Katie Maloney once she's had a few too many drinks and goes to the dark side.
While she'd been mostly dormant in season four, Tequila Katie has been brought up a lot this season, as her text messages to now-husband Tom Schwartz, bridesmaid Scheana Shay and others have been shown on the show, and they truly are works of art. Which is why E! News asked Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval to flex their acting muscles and dramatically read some of Tequila Katie's "classic" drunk rage-texts for us.
Some of the texts include the most recent ones Tom Sandoval and girlfriend Ariana Madix received, as well as Katie once telling Tom Schwartz that she didn't want her engagement ring anymore.
"You might as well pawn it and start a new life," the text message said. Harsh! But hey, it did make Schwartz laugh reading it, so clearly the couple, who tied the knot in August 2016, are in a good place now.
"She is ruthless," Schwartz said after reading one of the particularly harsh messages. "She's terrifying when she's mad."
To watch the Toms read some of Tequila Katie's messages, as well as one of her infamous monologues about Tom "sucking her toes" for forgiveness, press play on the video above.
Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)