Paris Hilton

Gaz Shirley,

You've no doubt heard our darling dear Pare-poo slunk to Sundance this week, clearly preferring Utah's cold climate over Washington's. Did she not get the memo that Dee-Cee was the place to be this week?

She maybe got it wrong this time, and so, too, did the Humane Society. See, in between donating 100 thou to charity and accepting friend requests from MySpace men, Ms. Hilton was honored by the Humane Society for outstanding contribution to animal welfare, par-tick baby seals.

Pardon me for gasping here, but Paris Hilton? Humane Society? Animals? Welfare? Honor? All in the same sentence?

This is the same woman who illegally held a kinkajou in captivity. The same woman who was investigated by the Los Angeles Department of Animal Services just last year for owning more than 17 pets at once. Sure, none of them were baby seals, but don't think she wouldn't add one to her growing collection if she could get her abnormally sized hands on one. Need I go on? 'Cause I totally could. This is a worse pick than Palin for VP, by far. Anyone ever heard of research?

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