David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson

AP Photo/Chris Pizzello

Dear Ted:
What is your take on the rumors about Téa and David getting back together? It all looks like a PR stunt to me. After seeing images of them together, David looks miserable and Téa seems to be the one who wants to continue the marriage, not David. What is Téa's motive?

Dear Faux-Real:
Uh, there are other human beings involved in his sad tale, darling, namely children. Remember them? Not that anybody ever really does in these tabloid split-up showdowns. Also, there's Ms. Leoni's pride, probably the thing folks have lost sight of most, including her. 

Dear Ted:
Love the not-too-subtle digs at Manjawlina Jolie. However, I wanted to point out that Ms. Jolie had the opportunity to meet Jennifer Aniston face-to-face at last year's pre-Oscar party, which she and Brad were supposed to attend, but she was a no-show. She managed to make it to a film festival the same day, one I never heard of, so she was obviously not ill. She took the coward's way out, despite claiming publicly that she would "welcome" a meeting with Jennifer. Jennifer has handled this whole affair a lot more gracefully than I would have done.

Dear Kill With Kindness:
It's not exactly anything Jen has said that irks me; it's how she goes about it. Like hitting every magazine cover out right now and giving the same damn, self-pitying interview.

Dear Ted:
I don't understand why Brad Pitt is being so well reviewed for Benjamin Button. I found the movie too long and his performance was mostly wooden and monotonous. Oscar? Give me a break. Now that we know Jen was too boring to make your Blind Vices, has Brad ever been the subject of a Ted B.V.?

Dear Button Snafu:
Ditto on the movie being longer than necessary, but I loved. And of course, baby-pie, Bradley has been a Vice star. Twice.

Dear Ted:
If Kristen Stewart isn't Robert Pattinson's type, then who is? Or what's his type?

Dear Curious Case of Patts:
It has yet to be determined.

Dear Ted:
Why does Angelina Jolie look like an alien?

Dear Out of This World:
Maybe that's why Brad is so hypnotized by "that woman."

Dear Ted:
While I don't have a dog in the Brangie and Jen fight—I've never been a fan of any of them—I must admit to an endless curiosity as to how it is that Brad and Angie are still together. A Hollywood relationship, an affair that started out as, well, an affair, three divorces between them, six kids under 7 and two high-powered careers. The odds of any one of those things sinking most couples is sky-high. So what gives? Why the longevity?

Dear Long Haul:
I wouldn't exactly call it longevity...yet. Especially considering she will eventually leave his ass.

Dear Ted:
I effing love you! Love everything about you. Don't ever change. And you keep banging on about Prop H8 until the day comes when I can legally marry Rob Pattinson and we can have a hot married-man fourgy with you and your adorable hubby right in the middle of Temple Square!

Dear Ra Ra:
Heart your dirty mind.

Dear Ted:
Hope that Santa brought you lots of goodies. Now that Jake Gyllenhaal is back in L.A., do you think that Santa brought him his brain and spine back?

Dear Brokeback Jake:
If Reese gets sick of it there will be many gals waiting to take her place, and Jake will kindly oblige.

Dear Ted:
I'm a fan from far away (Pakistan). Can't believe they can still pass draconian laws like Prop 8. Anyway, think Obama is turning out to be a disappointment? He isn't exactly doing what he said he would do.

Dear Long-Distance Relaysh:
I'll give him some time when he's actually in the White House to pass judgment. You should, too.

Dear Ted:
Why does Britney Spears need to pay her father that much money to take care of her, and why does he receive a raise for his efforts? I just don't get it.

Dear Wack Job:
I guess Daddy Spears gets monetary props for taking credit for Brit's recently platinum album.

Dear Ted:
Tonight I was watching Inside the Actor's Studio and the guest was Josh Brolin. A lot of things he said and various characters he's played made me believe he may be Toothy Tile. Am I right?
Lynn, Connecticut

Dear Nice Try:
Sorry, darling, Brolin isn't Toothy. I could see the two starring in a movie together, though.

Dear Ted:
Just wanted to say thank you for that hilarious Prop 88—should Scully and Mulder make it official. You rock! Here's to Gillovny in 2009!

Dear XXX Files:
Here's hoping. But you know David is much sneakier than that.

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