The Real Housewives of Dallas


Well, that was anticlimactic.

After The Real Housewives of Dallas kicked off with Brandi Redmond and LeeAnne Locken as instant enemies thanks to some ill-timed poop jokes, the pair finally sat down to clear the air in tonight's episode and the result was a little underwhelming, to be honest.

With Brandi's BFF Stephanie Holman worried that the foes would cause some sort of scene at her demanding husband Travis' Roaring '20s birthday party, Brandi did the adult thing and owned up to her half of the tension with the self-proclaimed queen of the Dallas charity scene. And while LeeAnne didn't exactly say the words "I'm sorry" for anything she may have done, she did admit that she wanted to move forward in a more friendly way. It was mature. It was pleasant. And it was pretty boring.

What can we say? We love our Housewives starting fires, not putting them out.

Elsewhere in the episode, we saw two very different birthday celebrations. Not only did Travis nearly drive Stephanie crazy as she planned his birthday party—and force her to pop out of a cake and sing to him in a moment we wish had been left on the cutting room floor—but Cary Deuber and her hubby Mark celebrated their daughter Zuri's third birthday, which mostly consisted of Mark making his wife feel like garbage for getting a vanilla cake rather than a messier chocolate one while also insisting on buying more gifts than their child was aware of. What was it with the men this week? Not a good look.

At least we've got this trip to Austin to fear look forward to. With the simmering tension between LeeAnne and Cary, we knew it wouldn't be all fun and games. And that preview for next week seemed to solidify that idea. You guys, LeeAnne threatens to "annihilate" her "friend" Marie. Start preparing yourselves now.

And now for some of tonight's choice lines:

"I promise I won't start any drama. I'm gonna be drinking lots of tequila, so it'll all be good." - Brandi

"If she makes you mad, I will just fart in her face and she'll leave." - Stephanie

Not really a line, but how amazing was it that LeeAnne was listed under "Loud Mouth" in Brandi's phone?

"I'm nervous about Travis' birthday party. I may be poop-your-pants nervous. Not quite. Like, I haven't pooped by pants yet, but it's a turtle." - Stephanie

"My Uber driver thought I was going to prom." - Brandi

"I don't know why, but it tastes like Phys-Ed." – Brandi after taking a shot
"What's Phys-Ed?" – Stephanie
"Gym shorts." – Brandi, laughing

"When we lived in a two-bedroom apartment together, we would order pepperoni pizza with extra jalapeños, and literally the next morning, from one bathroom to the other, it would be 'Can you get me an ice cube?!'" - LeeAnne making her first poop joke ever

The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Mondays at 10 p.m. on Bravo.

(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)

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