FoxIt's time to come clean: I love Betty White. I don't love Bones. In fact, I have only seen portions of an episode roughly six years ago. I remember that because I thought to myself, "This is the first time I'm watching Bones." And it was the last time…until now. Yes, Betty White got me to watch Bones and I had many thoughts during "The Carpals in the Coy-Wolves," so here we go! I kept a running list of the various thoughts that occurred to me while watching Bones (just for Betty White) for the first time in earnest.
1. What is with the stereotypical gay kid? I'm offended by this and his uber macho father saying he's not going to grow up to be a man because he doesn't hunt or play video games. "I'd be OK if you were into books," macho dad told him. Whuck.
2. Oh, I get it. Stereotypical gay kid shot the skull and the dad is the "sissy" now. I see what you did there, Bones. Very cheap.
3. Booth and Brennan are talking at a diner. Do Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz like each other in real life? Who will pay for this diner service when the call to get the bones comes in?
4. This is kind of boring.
5. Are coy-wolves real?
6. Science, science, science. Wolves, bones, feet.
7. Finally, a mention of Betty White and they're setting up the twist and gag because she's not going to be stereotypically beautiful, she's going to be 93 years old! Twist! Gag!
8. One of the doctors has erectile dysfunction, so cheap jokes are coming. And here they are! "No hard feelings. "None. Whatseover." Get it????????????????????
9. I KNOW THAT VOICE AND I AM EXCITED. (It was Betty White.)
10. Oh yes, they are making Betty White a worldly doctor who has been married six times, talks about lovers and knows everything about everything. Where is my Betty White spinoff, Bones?! WHERE?
11. Ugh, where did Betty White go?
12. Oh, it's Tom Lenk, Andrew from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
13. And Dan Scott from One Tree Hill.
14. Of course Betty White is going to comment on the bearded doctor's erectile issues. "After a while you can practically smell it on a man," the seasoned veteran said.
15. Brennan is jealous of Betty White. Aren't we all jealous of Betty White?
16. Sports, sports, sports.
17. Booth gambled or something?
18. Great, there's some coy-wolf poop.
19. The sandwich artist did it! With a meat tool! And he put ham on the dead guy!
20. Where's Betty White?
21. Oh, there she is. She came back to give Brennan advice and told her she's not going anywhere. Is my dream of a Betty White spinoff (that I didn't know I had until 40 minutes ago) going to come true?
Bones airs Thursdays, 8 p.m. on Fox.