Let us paint you a word picture about the future that will probably come true:
Fast-forward to February, 2016. It's the 88th Academy Awards and it's time to announce the winner for Best Actor. The tension builds. Channing Tatum waits with bated breath to finally be recognized for his intricate pelvic work in Magic Mike XLL. Presenter Peyton Manning opens the envelope and says in a voice barely above a whisper:
"Zac Efron for that movie with Robert DeNiro where he had that mostly-naked scene"
The crowd goes nuts! Famous actresses take off their extensions and wave them in the air! Esteemed directors and writers start bumping chests! Meryl Streep is crying tears of joy in the arms of Harrison Ford! It's beautiful mayhem as Zac Efron bounds up the stairs in a perfectly tailored tux, accepts his Oscar and emotionally thanks his mother, his fans and his trainer. Everyone else around the world thanks whoever is running the show upstairs for this moment.
What we're trying to say is that whatever movie Zac Efron is filming right now (we think it's called Dirty Grandpa but honestly who cares?)…that movie is going to be the best film in the history of moving pictures. It will win all the awards and make all the money. Why?
Glad you asked:
1. This photo
How Zefron manages to look this good in what is essentially what most women wear while on their period is beyond us.
2. This photo
Never has someone made "douchey prep" look so delicious.
3. This photo
That kid has no idea how lucky he is.
4. This photo
Zac, look at us when you're grabbing your junk. Don't look away!
5. This photo
Are you mad, Zac? We love it when you're mad.
6. This photo
It's probably not a wink, but we're pretending it is.
7. This photo
Everyone wants to be that thumb.
8. This photo
Bless that wedgie.
9. This photo
A fringed crop top and zubaz? We accept this ridiculous outfit because he is wearing it.
10. This photo
This should have been captioned with the peach emoji.
11. This photo
Those sweatpants hanging low on his hips are probably important to the plot.
12. This photo
His gaze will pierce your soul and would probably kill you if you look too long into those eyes.
13. This photo
Let's be real, his chest should basically read "Team Horny."
IT'S ALL SO BEAUTIFUL!
Dirty Grandpa will be revered by every human being so move the hell over Citizen Kane. More like Citizen Lame, right?! This movie is already more beautiful than a newborn baby that's covered in kittens on top of a rainbow.
Thank you, Hollywood. We still don't forgive you for the Mae Whitman Independence Day 2 thing, though.