Honesty time: We hate April Fools' Day. Not because we're the victim of pranks (our friends know they'll get punched in the throat if they pull anything), but because every single company has to conduct some kind of prank on consumers to try and capitalize on all the buzz surrounding the absolute worst day of the year.
Basically, what John Oliver everything says in his rant about today:
"Anyone who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath."
So here are the most ridiculous jokes that companies are pulling all over the Internet, which range from "LOLZ" to "Ugh, that was a poor marketing choice."
1. Marvel's Phase 9
Marvel could make a movie starring Avenger dogs going up against Lokitty and it would make billions of dollars and we'd be there opening night.
2. A Fault in Our Stars sequel
Exciting news: @PenguinTeenAus will publish ebook by @johngreen. The story of Augustus Waters and Caroline Mathers pic.twitter.com/4TANKMqHAP
? PenguinTeenAus (@PenguinTeenAus) March 31, 2015My American publisher and several of my international publishers fell for @PenguinTeenAus's April Fools Day joke.
? John Green (@johngreen) March 31, 2015John Green's Australian publisher came up with this cruel prank, and he broke hearts everywhere when he confirmed it was all a silly April Fools' joke.
3. WestJet's Smart Seats
Basically, it's the humans of Wall-E come to life.
4. Pizza Hut's scratch-and-sniff menus
Why have scratch-and-sniff stickers? Anyone who has ever been to a Pizza Hut knows that smell stays in your hair and clothes for the rest of time.
5. Amazon's '90s homepage
It was a simpler time back then. The selfie stick wasn't real. And speaking of...
6. Petco's selfie stick for pets
Not going to lie, we would totally buy this thing.
7. Funny or Die's Dips
Of all the pranks, the launch of the new app "Dips" is by far our favorite, because every celebrity, from Britney Spears to Jon Hamm, made one. They are all one and a half second long and you get to see your favorite stars do weird s--t like run into glass doors, sing weird songs and dance like idiots. Lookin' at you, Diddy.
8. The Bachelor hot tub
Warner Bros. sent out a press release announcing they were releasing a line of luxury Bachelor-themed hot tubs that come with multiple seating, mood lighting and built in vases to display roses. STD's not included.
9. Google's SmartBox
A really fancy mailbox that Google could definitely get away with selling if they wanted to.
10. ThinkGeek's fake products
This site always has the best April Fools' stuff, but this year we're just pissed that the Voltron Cat Condo isn't real. Shut up and take our money!
11. Redbox's Petbox
Their website now boasts "Top Pet Rentals" like Gone Squirrel, Pig Hero 6 and Goatbusters. Studio executives are probably already planning the sequels and reboots.
12. Tinder for Uber
What?
13. Uber for Tinder
Seriously, what?
14. YouTube's techno option
Pick any video on the site and click the little musical note in the lower left hand corner. Surprise! Now you can watch any video set to of Darude's "Sandstorm."
Happy April Fools' day! Now go away and don't come back for another year.