Michelle Williams, JasonSegel


Dear Ted:
Hope you're having a nice summer so far! But let's get to the juicy stuff—enough about Hunger Games, Fifty Shades and Twilight. I want to hear about Michelle Williams and Jason Segel! He was so cute when he gushed about her to the media, but I haven't seen them together since. Please tell me they're still being cute?

Dear Wegel Wondering:
Don't fret, H, because the oh-so-adorable couple is still together and as "smitten" with each other as ever. And while their appearances out on the town may have dwindled, it just means they're taking the romance behind closed doors. I said it before and I'll say it again: These two are good for each other. Especially for the lovely Ms. Williams.

Dear Ted:
Do Smokey Shooter and Portia Vajazzle know each other? If my hunch is correct, I'd love to see these two get together for a little more than work! Hottest. Babies. Ever. Love you lots Teddy Bear!

Dear It's a Small World:
They do know each other, babe. Hollywood is a little town, after all. But what makes you think that Portia has stepped in to replace Mimi Kitten? Sure, the baby business between those two led to some, uh, let's just say stress, but Portia is so not into the baby business.

Dear Ted:
Can I please get my Nelly Fang fix? Since being with Queen Djibouti, has he entertained any women on set?

Dear Ask and You Shall Receive:
For you, d, anything! Especially when it lets me talk about one of my fave naughty Vicers—and Nelly is certainly one of the naughtiest, natch. I'm surprised you didn't ask if Mr. Fang had entertained any guys since beginning his tour-de-romance (the Queen is kosher with that kinda thing), but the answer is the same for both: No.

Dear Ted:
T-bone, question. Has your reporting on Blind Vices ever led to a big Hollywood divorce? Maybe you revealed something an ignorant spouse wasn't previously aware of? Or maybe something was on the brink of public revelation and they beat you to the punch with a headline-rousing split? Dying for deets!

Dear Material Witness:
Hardly! Because, as you should certainly know by now, spouses are usually much more in the know than the general public (just ask any of the beards in this town who've scored a rock). And as for the cheaters, just ask poor little Roxy Couture. Here I thought for a second the babe was totally getting played, only to find out she'd been in the know all along. That's how it works here. Bizarre, huh?

Dear Ted:
Longtime follower of your Blind Vices; you can say I'm somewhat obsessed about a lot of them. Judas Jack-Off and Dashed Dingle-Dream are one of my obsessions. So here is my question to you: Is Judas Jack-Off Tom Hardy? He fits most of the criteria, and the time frame of his rise to stardom definitely fits. XOXO
—MoMo DiMaggio

Dear Batty for Boys:
Not quite, MoMo. While Mr. Hardy may have raised a few eyebrows in the past, he is not our nasty ex-BF. Tom has way more muscles, for one. Though the two both have tasted the franchise life...and loved it!

Dear Ted:
A) What is your secret for quitting smoking? I'm 40 now, and I've got to kick this habit! B) What's the latest on Lloyd Boy-Toyed?

Dear Alphabet Soup:
A) Try and try again. B) He's about to take a big plunge. Can you believe it?

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