Amber Heard, Johnny Depp

Mike Marsland/

Dear Ted:
How bummed are you that Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis split up? I know the writing was on the wall, but it still sucks. Is there any truth to the Amber Heard rumors? Oh, and Humphrey loved meeting his new brother last week, so we happily added baby Donald Rescato to our clan! Thanks, Ted!

Dear Sunken Booty:
Super bummed, Nic. There have obviously been some whispers (and some not-so-hushed chatter) about trouble in paradise for Paradis and Captain Jack Sparrow, but I was secretly holding out hope the duo would make it work. That said, yes, there's some truth to the rumors about Depp and his Rum Diaries bombshell costar…but it's hardly scandalous.

Dear Ted:
What is the story with Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher? They are together more than ever. Kunikutch forever!

Dear History Repeats Itself:
Are the former That '70s Show onscreen lovebirds strictly platonic in their friendship? Hmm, methinks no. But I would hardly say they're a couple—neither is exactly looking for that kind of commitment. For the time being, anyways.

Dear Ted:
Is it true that Demi Moore and Joe Manganiello are hooking up?

Dear Cougar Prowl Part 2:
What intriguing relationships the former couple (Demi and Ashton) seem to be involved in these days. Well, if you believe the rumors. Personally, I'd put more stock in Demi's ex dating Ms. Kunis than in the oft-praised queen of the cougars snagging another P.Y.T. I doubt that's the attention Demi is seeking these days.

Dear Ted:
I finally broke down and read the Fifty Shades books for two reasons. One, because I adore you; and two, because all the casting talk really intrigued me. After reading the trilogy, I'm not sold on anyone as Christian and Ana just yet, but I think Connie Britton would make an excellent Mrs. Robinson. Thoughts?

Dear Friday Night Fights:
Well, Ms. Britton is perfection in everything she does, right? So I think I can say with 100-percent certainty that she'd kill the part of the nefarious Mrs. Robinson. And if you want to see Con getting her sexy on, go see Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. But do I think she'd be interested in the part? Nope. But we can always cross our fingers.

Dear Ted:
I know everyone has thrown their two cents in about the Fifty Shades cast ,so I thought I'd join, what about unknowns? It worked well enough for Twilight!

Dear A Star is Porn Born:
Sort of a Robsten, round 2? But naughtier? It could work. And I wouldn't be surprised if that's the route the studio decides to take. But since there are some name actors—looking at you, Ian Somerhalder—who want in, the star power might outweigh the potential.

Dear Ted:
With all this talk about Fifty Shades being adapted into a movie, wouldn't the rating of MA limit the viewing audience? What about the possibility of doing a television series on HBO or Showtime?

Dear NSFW:
Could the movie nab an NC-17 rating? If it followed the book exactly, I'm positive it could. But I'm also positive the studio will tailor it to a more cinema-friendly R-rating. Which probably means adios, tampon scene (as if anyone is going to miss it).

Dear Ted:
A group of hackers claim that they managed to get hold of Taylor Lautner's email inbox. I was wondering what you expected them to find in there. Booking reservations for Cirque du Soleil? Anything juicier? Thanks!

Dear Hack Attack:
As in, Vice business, babe? Hmm, that might be more of a text-message ordeal. But I'm sure he has some dirty laundry hidden away in his inbox that he wouldn't exactly love aired out to the world.

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