Gérard Depardieu's mission in appearing on Anderson Cooper's new talk show? Why, to make the host pee his pants, of course! (Figuratively, at least.)

The revered French actor, whose decision to urinate while still in his seat on an airplane last month caused more than a few noses to wrinkle and Cooper to dissolve into giggles, regaled the Anderson host with the story of his misadventure—a reenactment that had Cooper laughing all the while.

After quoting Cooper and calling himself "Depar-two," Depardieu frankly described via satellite what went down before his Aug. 17 Air France flight from Paris to Dublin ultimately took off—after the carpet had been cleaned.

"I say, 'Madame, I have to pee. I'm not sick, I'm not a terrorist. I just want to pee,'" the Cyrano de Bergerac star recalled. After being told he wasn't allowed to use the lavatory, he grabbed a bottle.

"Ah, it was so beautiful," he described the act of relieving himself.

"I'm not a monster, I'm just a man who has to pee," the actor insisted. "Maybe [the flight attendant] was having nervous breakdown, I don't understand why she...blocked the door. I say, 'Don't worry, I will clean it after!'"

"Did it overflow?" Cooper inquired of the bottle.

"The bottle was much too small," affirmed Depardieu. "I am an elephant!" (By now, of course, the Anderson studio audience was quaking with giggles of their own.)

But, the actor added, there was no wine involved.

Cooper, who complimented his guest on being a celebrity who's able to laugh at himself, then revealed to Depardieu what he had provided for the entire studio audience in the actor's honor: empty water bottles under their seats!

"And if you were ever able come on this show, we'll have a water bottle here for you!" the savvy CNN anchor, a veteran of war zones and natural disaster sites, told the Frenchman.

"This is not enough," Depardieu replied, hoisting what had to be a liter jug—empty, thank goodness—on his end.

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