Morning Bitch-Back! Is George Clooney Ready to Settle Down?

Readers wonder if George has finally found his match with Stacy Keibler

Dear Ted:
If you were a betting man, how long would you bet the Stacy Keibler-George Clooney romance will last, if there is a romance?
—KiKi

Dear Long Shot:
I doubt this whirlwind relaysh will last through New Year's. But hey, I didn't think he'd let his wrestler chick tag along for his film festival and he did just that. Georgey seems to want everyone to think he and Stacy are getting serious fast, when really it's anything but.

Dear Ted:
I'm playing a round of my favorite game, Six Degrees of Blind Vice Separation, and I have a question for you: How well do She Devil-Dees and Carson Ampi-Dickorous know each other? Any current or former connections there? Thanks from my three shelter kitties.
—KMB

Dear Seven Degrees:
Like, not at all. Sorry to your sweet kittens, but Carson is so not She Devil's type. She likes hooking up with guys who can advance her "career." Ya know, the same reason Carson likes to dabble in dudes!

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with the story about Lady Gaga and Taylor Kinney? Are they true or PR?
—Carson

Dear Gaylor:
Uh, neither, in my book. Stars love finding snogging partners on the set and who else did she have to choose from while shooting You and I? Herself in drag? It's another flash in the pan story about the pop star. Take it for what it's worth.

Dear Ted:
I was thinking how Garrett Hedlund would be amazing for Finnick in The Hunger Games. Anything juicy on this boy besides his ass?
—IQ

Dear Hed-Case:
Love it, babe! I could totally see it. And since Tron never really took off, Garrett could use a successful franchise under his belt. Nothing too juicy on this dude; he's dipped his toes into the T-town dating pond but has kept it casual so far.

Dear Ted:
How did our beloved King Schlong get himself in a troublesome Vice situation? Is one of his secret sexting friends blackmailing him? But more importantly, should we be expecting a sex tape any time soon?
—Ellie

Dear Anarchy:
No and no, Ellie. The babes he's been swapping naughty messages (and whatever else) with just can't help but brag about their technological conquest—no blackmail involved. They only want to please King.

Dear Ted:
You said, "As much as I wish I could say you're right, I'm really not such a nice guy..." I know you might think I am silly, but it brought tears to my eyes. I have been reading your column at E! for many years. You have always advocated for animal rights. Granted, gossip columnist may not be as high on the (subjective) do-gooder list as soup kitchen servers, but it seems to me that you are careful not to hurt anyone with your entertainment gossip stories. You could be really nasty about what you know, but you aren't. We know there's something nice in there and we see it and appreciate it.
—Micky

Dear Sweet Stuff:
Thank you.