Kristin Stewart, Robert Pattinson


Dear Ted:
So Robsten are for reals yeah, Ted? Have you been seeing everything in Brazil? I love the way they gaze at each other between takes, don't you?

Dear No S—t:
Yeah I think we're vaguely aware about the steamy stuff going on in South America. And come on hon, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart getting grabby in public is nothing new now.

Dear Ted:
What is Miss Costar up to lately? Still mooning over Nevis Divine? And by the way, how did she feel about Barrington back in the day?

Dear Love and Sex:
Please, Miss Costar was most concerned with nabbing Nevis and making sure everybody on set knew. She wouldn't care two poops about Barrington as long as she got her time to bed the good-looking guy. As for now, she's over it. After getting burned like that, there's no choice but to move on.

Dear Ted:
This is like, my quadrillionth email to you (though I know you won't reply), and while I am not a fan of your love for a certain bad Twilight actress, I will say that I am an avid reader of your Blinds. Subsequently, after eons of contemplation, my genius sister has deciphered who Toothy Tile is: Seann William Scott.

Dear Cocky One:
Sorry to your sis, but you're off on Toothy. Though, not a terrible guess. Like, at all.

Dear Ted:
I've been thinking about beards lately. Does any B.V. have a new one—or ditched one?

Dear Of Course:
Beards come and go, hon pie. Those actors who have to keep their playboy personas up have new gals every week!

Dear Ted:
So, Ted, you wrote that you believe Nevis Divine will end up with a chick. Does that mean you also believe he was just experimenting with Barrington? Thanks for your answer, and for the work you do for the animals—my five rescue kitties are grateful, as am I!
Miss Construed

Dear Boys Will Be Boys:
I think Nevis likes to get it, and he's not all that concerned whether it's from a guy or a girl. I think he's emotionally into Barrington, though more so the missus.

Dear Ted:
Do you see an imminent split for Henrietta H.B. and her hub? Would it shock outsiders due to their evangelical beliefs?
newly right-wing Wisconsin, Nan

Dear Dark Sider:
I don't think it would shock too many people...Just take a look at her hubby! Boyfriend oozes gay, gay, gay. Plus, their family is more like the Robinsons, not the Cleavers. Don't think another bombshell would shock America.

Dear Ted:
I'm wondering which Blind Vice you would most like to be exposed? Is it someone who is nasty on a daily basis, someone who is tomcatting around or someone outing themselves?

Dear Interesting One:
That's a toughie. I think someone like Toothy, Nevis or Crotch-Uh-Lastic would do wonders for the LGBT community, but deciding to come out as gay or bi is a personal decision. I wouldn't want them to do it if they weren't ready. So I guess I'd want someone's vice exposed who's just a plain ol' bad person. Maybe Cruella St. Shackles?

Dear Ted:
I have to admit, I finally understand the mania behind Jake Gyllenhaal. Watching the trailers and clips for Love and  Other Drugs has me almost as sprung on Jakey as I am on James Franco. So do you have any insider info on whether the flick is really as good as it looks? I haven't anticipated a movie like this in a long time, and I'm dying to know if me and my new baby kitten, Champ, should invest our hard-earned dollars on seeing it in theaters?

Dear Movie Buff:
How many times do I have to say it? See this movie! Then see it again. You won't be disappointed with J.G.'s bod either, that's for sure.

Dear Ted:
Seriously, how much is Kristen's publicist paying you?

Dear You Guessed Right!
One hundred million dollars.

Dear Ted:
I couldn't believe that a reputable gossip source is claiming that Cruella St. Shackle's sham marriage is the real deal? Please, Ted, we need you. What's the real story these days? Latest goss on them?

Dear Give It to You Bi:
They're desperately trying to make it work. That is the truth.

Dear Ted:
You said that some effed-up stuff is going down on the Glee set. Do you mean, like, sex stuff or weird stuff? Like Chiquita maybe?

Dear Nice Try:
Sex stuff certainly isn't a bad place to start guessing!

Dear Ted:
Thanks for answering my question this week! Oz was so happy to see his name in print! What do you think about John Mayer and Giada De Laurentiis? How in the world does skanky John get all these Hollywood women to fall into bed with him? Is he packing major heat, fulfilling a certain kink or promising the moon? I just don't see the appeal of sleeping with him, when you know by extension you're sleeping with half of Hollywood (and probably half the country too).

Dear Baffled:
Well, the Giada stuff apparently didn't happen (Star doesn't exactly have the best track record, do they?). But you're point is still valid. I think he's got the bad-boy-slash-sensitive-musician thing packaged right, and most girls think they can be the one to change him. It's not like the dude is ugly. He's just definitely not my type...

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