Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart

Jordan Strauss / WireImage

Dear Ted:
What an incredibly rude thing to call Kristen Stewart's hoodies "hideous"! And you claim to be a fan? I guess you prefer Nikki Reed's oversized muumuu, plus-size red carpet outfits that look like they were made to fit Kirstie Alley? Whatever, Ted, you clearly don't like the girl—true fans love how representative her hoodies are of her attitude overall, and you should know that.
—Team Nikki

Dear Krisbian Fever:
Really, babe? Because I question K.Stew's fashion sense once—after multiple times saying she's the new It gal on the red carpet and giving her props for working her own style—I'm not a fan? Good argument! Yep, definitely Team Nikki over here!

Dear Ted:
Not a question, but a B.V. guess—is She-Devil Dees Evan Rachel Wood. Have a good feeling about that guess. Hope I'm right!

Dear Photo-Whore:
Nope, Ev isn't our paparazzi-loving lover. Though, the two have that same sexy, fame-loving swagger going on. So not a bad guess. Think less vampire.

Dear Ted:
What's up with Nelly Fang? He seems to be behaving himself lately and it's boring. I would love some dirt. Can ya help a girl out? By the way, congrats on your three weeks of no-smoking success. Good for you!

Dear Fang-Overload:
You're right, B. Nell has been extra boring lately, which means there's almost no dirt to dish. He's way too focused on becoming a huge star right now, which means he's especially not into his old past time...humping hotties in the woods.

Dear Ted:
I'm a really big fan of that sexy, sassy singer known as Pink. How has she been doing lately? And are she and her ink-tastic hubby really back on solid ground?

Dear Think Pink:
Solid as can be, sure. But things are going well in the Pink household—neither of these two is the type to suffer through a relaysh they aren't happy with. Why do you think they split the first time?

Dear Ted:
Strawberry Snort 'Em
has been unlucky in love? I guess that blows my guess right out of the water! I thought for sure she was Katy Perry, but she just got married. Can you give me a clue so I can make a new guess? Is Strawberry older or younger than Katy?

Dear Sex 'Em:
Very unlucky, Lis. Poor, naive Strawberry. Guess they don't teach you how to find quality dudes in the clubs or she'd be perfect at it. Good guess with K.P. though; think along those lines.

Dear Ted:
Why did Chris Evans get so big for this Captain America role? Was looking at the picture with his shirt off, and although it's very nice, his head now seems too small for his body! I mean, I know that's what sells, but it just looks a little strange to me. Look at the picture closely, (which I'm sure you will) and let me know your opinion please and thanks!

Dear Pec Poofer:
Bigger is better?

Dear Ted:
I'm taking you to task for your Denise Richards tirade. First you blasted her for being a fame whore who uses her kids and her ex-wife status when you really needed to be focusing on what a douchebag Charlie Sheen is. Then you finally blogged about Charlie's totally unacceptable behavior, so yay for that. But now you do a Brook Mueller-focused article, complete with upcoming reality-show info, an ex-wife "moving on" and featuring her kids without even a smirk of judgment. It's so glaringly obvious that I just have to ask why you dislike only Denise Richards so much. You need to dislike them all, like me. Love ya Ted and cheering you on for the no smoking.

Dear Needs to Hate More:
You're joking, right? Hate them all? Love ya back!

Dear Ted:
You've recently mentioned about how gag-worthy Ice-T and Coco's sex life must be. I know they leave little to the imagination, but it had me wondering if either of them has starred in their own Blind Vice. Am I right?
—Nini B

Dear Tig Old Bittie Blind:
Nini, if these two had anything Vice-worthy to hide, I would probably barf writing it up.

Dear Ted:
Why do actors like Ashley Greene, Kellan Lutz and AnnaLynne McCord host parties in places like Vegas and actors like Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron don't?

Dear Quick Fix:
I think you meant to ask why some celebrities like Ash, Kell and ALM like to host parties in Sin City, while actors like K.Stew, R.Pattz, and Z.E. don't.

Dear Ted:
The only thing Joe Jonas is guilty of is breaking up with a girl and falling in love with another one. I'm pretty sure that's not a crime. I can't even fathom what these past few months must he been like for Demi Lovato, and I don't doubt that being around Joe and Ashley Greene exacerbated things, but it doesn't make it their fault. In all honesty, I think Demi was like a bomb waiting to go off. Her problems started way before she even knew Joe Jonas, and if it hadn't been this that made her snap, it would have been something else. Demi is doing the right thing. She's taking responsibility for her behavior and getting help. No one is at fault here, and pointing fingers at Joe or Ashley or whoever else isn't going to help Demi get better.

Dear Drama-Rama:
I agree on all accounts, J. Think it's totally lame how Ash is getting backlash for this, too.

Dear Ted:
So what seems to be your f--kin' problem with Taylor Swift? No drug problem? Not slutty enough? Or are you just pissed you don't look as good in a dress?

Dear Swift Response:
Probably the last.

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