Megan Fox,  Jake Gyllenhaal, Sandra Bullock, Sarah Palin, Angelina Jolie

Eric Charbonneau/WireImage; Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images; Joseph Connoly/Getty Images; AP Photo/Isreal Leal

Happy Fourth of July, babes! Team Awful isn't one for legal mumbo jumbo—we leave that to the lovely and hard-assed E! lawyers—but we decided to poke through a history book and celebrate Independence Day with a revamping of our founding fathers' Bill of Rights, T-town style.

Now, Benny Franklin didn't have to deal with Twi-hards, Blind Vices, and paparazzi smack-downs in those boring colonial days, so we took it upon ourselves to update all ten trusty amendments to fulfill our Awful needs.

Get ready for us to lay down the law:

First Amendment: Freedom for Megan Fox to Say Whatever the Ef She Wants

Second Amendment: Right for Sarah Palin to not bear arms...or a microphone.

Third Amendment: Protection from Nonstens and Niley haters.

Fourth Amendment: Protection from unreasonable seizure of Chace Crawford's weed (this law does not extend to Lindsay Lohan).

Fifth Amendment: Jake Gyllenhaal cannot incriminate himself with bad movies or bad fauxmances.

Sixth Amendment: Confrontation Clause: Lea Michele has the right to know who's bitchin' about her.

Seventh Amendment: Try not acting civil—it's so much fun. Just ask Britney, Gaga, or any of the Sex and the City gals.

Eight Amendment: Prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment served up by Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Garner or Reese Witherspoon.

Ninth Amendment: Protection of Sandra Bullock from unforeseen douchebags.

Tenth Amendment: Power of beards and Vices reign supreme.

And that, dolls, was all done without a Harvard law school degree. Impressive, we know!

Now go cuddle with your gal or guy and watch the fireworks—you know that's what Robsten's doing!

Follow Team Awful on Twitter! @theawfultruth @taryder @jtyboone @snarc


Amendment #1 In Action: Megan Fox Quotes: Dumb or Awesome?

  • Share
  • Tweet
  • Share