Justin Bieber is going mad with power. Breaking Dawn is breaking all sorts of odd—and conflicting—news. And Simon Cowell is, um, "wacking and vogueing?!?"
Say, did we mention it's April Fools'?
Yes, the world's most dangerous day to read something on the World Wide Internets is here again. Lucky for you, we've smoked out some of the top hoaxes, pranks and "lady lump"-autographing Bieber goofs:
• A No. 1 album, the adoration of tweens everywhere and really manageable hair is not enough for the young Mr. Bieber. That's the basic idea behind today's "relaunch" of Funny or Die, sorry, Bieber or Die. The URL hasn't changed, but Bieber has.
"I do what stars do," the pop star says in the "Bieber Takes Over" clip. "I ride on yachts. I autograph lady lumps. And I pay people to slap them."
If the 'tude, the cheesy wallpaper and "Dramatic Bieber" aren't big enough tip offs to an April Fools' operation, then Bieber's tweets are. "World's Largest Comedy site??? April 1st???," goes an especially unsubtle wink-wink-nudge-nudge one.
The guy may be able to sing, but he can't keep a secret.
• Breaking Dawn is going to be: rated R for gore and NTL for No Taylor Lautner; and, directed by Robert Pattinson, unless, that is, he's out of the movie, too.
Not one of these items, of course, comes from Summit, which, we remind, hasn't announced anything regarding its plans for the final tale in the Twilight saga.
Our advice: Don't get too excited or upset about any Breaking Dawn stories datelined April 1.
• Did you hear about Cowell and Paula Abdul strutting their stuff on So You Think You Can Dance? They'll be two of the revamped show's "all-star partners," at least per judge and executive producer Nigel Lythgoe's Twitter page, which was last updated—uh-oh—today.
We're waiting to hear back from Fox about whether Lythgoe's having fun, but in the meantime, we must say Lythgoe makes Cowell sound like he'd cut quite the rug.
Tweets Lythgoe: "He may be leaving "Idol" but he's joining the "All-Stars" before his wedding, representing the genres of Wacking and Vogueing- SIMON COWELL."