True Blood, Stephen Moyer, Anna Paquin

True Blood is over for the season, but wipe away your blood tears, because at least we have one last post-show discussion to cherish before we put away the jambalaya and Mountain Dew for another year.

If you haven't seen the season finale of True Blood, don't click in to this story until you've spent some quality time with your DVR! But if you are caught up, grab your scrambled ostrich egg and get in here! 

Bye Now: Three cheers for Sam Merlotte! With an assist from vampire Bill, Sam escaped the temple of meat, healed himself, shapeshifted into a beautiful white bull, gored Maryann (and her remarkable cleavage), and then crushed the wench's heart in his bare human hand. Well-played, Sam! Now we just have to find your possibly shifty Arkansas-based biological parents. That's sure to be a major storyline next season, and we can't wait. As for Maryann, her crazy won't be missed. That said, there were some notable comedy highlights from the pre-sacrifice preparations, i.e. Maryann's designation of her bridesmaids as "old, borrowed and blue" and Zombie Arlene's chipper query in response, "Which one am I?" plus that Lafayette got a pretty dress, too!

Yahtzee! Interesting how Queen Sophie is so intrigued by Yahtzee's supposed egalitarianism. Is this like how Marie Antoinette had her servants build her a miniature peasant village on the grounds of Versailles? Fishy, for sure. We also learned that Eric is Sophie's bitch—even if he is the strongest and oldest vampire in her queendom—and that she is the drug kingpin (queenpin?) behind his V market. Wonder what she's up to? We're looking forward to more of Hadley Hale in season three, but oddly, Evan Rachel Wood's rendition of Queen Sophie isn't as mesmerizing as we'd hoped it would be. P.S. This finale needs moar Eric.

Hot-Blooded Love: Before True Blood began, Alan Ball would never really cop to the vampires being purely analogous to homosexuals in modern society—but now that Bill wants to take Sookie to Vermont for a legal vampire-human wedding I think that Alan Ball needs to admit that the fun of the show is its reflection on our own demented modern morals, just the way the primitivism of Mad Men's 1960s America is really about our own primitivism. Anyway, Bill wants to marry Sookie, Sookie has doubts, a second look at that diamond ring resolves her doubts, Bill is garrotted by a gloved man wielding a silver chain, and we have a new (or old?) villain in play for season three. Whodunit? Place your bets in the comments!

Hot-Blooded Love, Part Two: Oh dear. A broken heart and Bill's neglectful parenting have turn turned Jessica into Aileen Wuornos—our beautiful ginger-haired perpetual virgin is now a scavenger who picks up creeps at truck stops so she can kill 'em. Actually forget the broken heart and Bill. Somehow, not sure of the finer points, but somehow the blame for this goes to Hoyt's horrible mother.

Scrambled Eggs: Awww...we'll miss Mechad Brooks and his ridiculously good body on the show, but if someone had to go, we'd rather it was Eggs than Sam. Tara will nurse a broken heart for a while, but we suspect she'll bounce back soon enough. Meanwhile, love the tag team of Andy (the peace officer still wearing pants!) and redneck Jason Stackhouse, both in their commando gear going after Maryann, and in the resolution of poor Eggs' storyline. Those two have a wonderful chemistry. Here's to more Jandy.

Notable Quotes 

"OK, what is with the egg? Did you lay it?" –Sookie Stackhouse
"Worship him, bitches." –Lafayette
"Best to stick with Mountain Dew." –Sam Merlotte

What did you think of tonight's finale of True Blood? Did the right people die? Post in the comments!

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