Who's Really High-Fiving John Mayer's Penis?

Is Mayer hooking up with Kristin Cavallari or Jessica Simpson?

Another day, another vagina that John Mayer is linked to. It was rumored two days ago that John has rekindled his, um, messy romance with ex Jessica Simpson. In Touch reports that Jess desperately needed some male attention, so she ran back to Mayer despite all the humiliating things he has done to her.

Lucky for us, though, John's bed is like a revolving stripper platform, so we weren't so shocked when we had another sleazy report to play with—supposedly J.M. has been banging Hills star Kristin Cavallari on and off for two years. It was revealed that this blind item run by the always-delish Page Six was about J&K:

"Which womanizing crooner has been dating a reality TV starlet for more than two years, putting her up in hotels wherever he travels for shows?"

Random. So which blessed gal is actually John's mattress candy?

"Uh, neither," sasses our well-placed source familiar with John's ways.

A couple months ago we shot down reports that Mayer and Simpson were anything more than just good acquaintances (which we are still shocked they are even that), and our insider tells us nothing has changed.

"They get along and hang out occasionally as friends, but it stops at that. He wouldn't be interested in Jessica anymore."

As for Trampy Cavallari?

Well, we know by Mayer's Twitter that he claims he has not "high fived Kristin Cavalari with [his] penis," and don't get any ideas because his "Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli," either.

While one of Kristin's buds insists the two "know each other a bit, but aren't hooking up," Mayer's amigo goes even further, claiming the two aren't even friends and most definitely aren't bedtime buddies.

So there you have it—John's man parts do not belong to either Jess or Kristin—according to his good bud. But are the dudes just protecting each other, like those beery slobs always love to do? He insists not.

So for any ladies out there ready to get pissed on by Mayer, apparently he's all yours! Talk about a golden opportunity.