Robert Pattinson

Ted Casablanca is traveling this week and mail is being tackled by Team Awful—so try us!

Dear Awful Truth:
After reading about the total madness surrounding Robsten, do you think they may be looking for a getaway where they can cruise under the radar? Maybe between movies? Santa Fe, New Mexico is such a great place for celebrities to escape to. No one here seems to care who they are and leaves them alone. Relaxed!

Dear Blown Cover:
You say no one cares who they are, but just wait ‘til they get there. That anti-social neighbor of yours is just dying to show her Robsten shrine to the neighborhood and pounce on the star-crossed couple.

Dear Awful Truth:
Haven't seen or thought of Renée Zellweger in a while but recently watched the DVD of New in Town. The movie was pretty crappy, but made even worse by the distraction of her weird-looking face. She looked really strange... more strange than usual anyway. It was definitely very distracting. Is this the result of too much Botox or some other chemical romance? I would appreciate any insight you could offer.

Dear Actress Face:
She's just using the same facial mousterizer that Nicole Kidman loves so much. That's what all the H'wood actresses want us to believe, anyway.

Dear Awful Truth:
Kate Bosworth always seems so depressed and defeated to me lately. Was she completely destroyed by her break-up with Orlando Bloom? Any info on her? She used to be so much more smiley!

Dear Late on Kate:
Still defeated since her Bloom-up back in 2006? Nah. Still defeated since Superman Returns was the last time anyone actually paid to go see Kate Bosworth in a flick? Probably.

Dear Awful Truth:
So I can say I'm pretty tired with the whole Sophia Bush/Robert Buckley/Austin Nichols drama. She's never showed any interest to Robert so I don't get why people are even shipping them. Tell me, is there something I'm missing? Because from what I've seen, its only Sophia/Austin love. Sophia should just go lesbian so us girls can have a chance.

Dear Sophia's Choice:
I can't do anything about the love triangle stuff, but I can grant your lesbian love-wish. Check out John Tucker Must Die for some experimental Sophia action. Your local video store will still have, tons and tons of copies. All brand-new and waiting for someone, anyone, to pick them up off the shelf.

Dear Awful Truth:
I have been reading here, there, and everywhere that Kristen Stewart is going to be making an appearance at the MTV VMA's at the beginning of September. Is she actually a confirmed guest? Also on this note, I have been hearing that her and Rob might use this red-carpet and media outlet to make an appearance together. Any truth to any of this?

Dear Unlikely Future:
Count on Kristen to drop by for a photo op (although you know this can change at the drop of a hat), but don't get your hopes up about seeing Robsten make their big love debut together.

Dear Awful Truth:
I have just recently come across your column and I love it and am particularly obsessed with the Blind Vices. I read somewhere that James Franco has been the subject of a Vice—can you give a devoted reader somewhat of a hint? Keep up the good work and screw the haters!
Natalia, Scotland

Dear Finding Franco:
The only hint I can give is that JF's vice is something that might make you reconsider your Franco love. 

Dear Awful Truth:
Is George Clooney gay?

Dear Dirty Ocean:
No, he's not, but if everyone were as blunt as you, these Bitch-Backs would be far shorter, far more digestible, and I'd have more time to complete my script for a Lindsay Lohan sequel, Labor Pains II: Electric Boogaloo.

Dear Awful Truth:
Your column has to be the only one I actually read because I know you are going to say things straight out and not just make up things like other sites just to get viewers. From the Twilight camp, any news on Jackson Rathbone? Is he as clean-cut as he portrays himself or is there something being that devilishly handsome smile of his? Do tell me.

Dear Throw Me A Rathbone:
I think your problem is that you think Jackson is clean-cut to begin with. If you eliminate that adjective from your usual list of descriptors, then the behind-the-scenes Jackson won't surprise you as much.

Dear Awful Truth:
I Have a very important question. Is it truth that Gwyneth Paltrow is telling Chris Martin to leave Coldplay? I'm a huge fan of the band, and this really concerns me. At first I didn't believe what you said about her, but now I hate her. You're always right about her. I hope that Chris doesn't listen to her, he's a very smart man.

Dear An Apple Martin a Day:
Me personally? I think Gwyn's just a harmless little GOOPer. But when Ted gives you the real dirt on someone, it's usually the scoop that you can really believe. Sad, sad truths. Awful, one might say.

Dear Awful Truth:
Can you guys please use hot photos of Rob Pattinson in your posts? It's been weeks now where 90 percent of your photos are him with awful hair or a smirky face. We get it, he takes as many bad photos as good. Please give the goods. I'm not going to comment and click through 900+ comments unless Rob looks HOT. Make it worth my while, whydontcha...

Dear We're Running Out!:
We've probably used one picture from every time the kid has stepped outside in the last two years—if Rob's not hot enough for ya, blame Rob, not us.

Dear Awful Truth:
Could the Twi-crew become the new Brat Pack?
Gorilla Boy

Dear Vampires Don't Eat Breakfast:
Become? They already are! What shall we call them? The Vamp Pack? Actually, it's not just the Twi kids...some Gossip Girl and 90210 honeys are in the new club, too. Anyone got any nickname suggestions?

Dear Awful Truth:
What's with all these actors baring their hoo-haws in movies? Actresses have been doing it for years, now suddenly the actors are doing it. The latest? Robin Williams! Now it's just gone too far.

Dear Rub the Magic Lamp?:
Gender equality ain't always pretty.

Dear Awful Truth:
I know this is stupid, but there are plenty of sub-free college kids. I didn't have a sip of alcohol until my twenty-first and I've still never smoked pot—no intentions of trying it. People who say, "There's not a college kid who never did these things" are just trying to ease their own guilt over how wild they were during college. Basically, I'm just showing that other reader a college kid who hasn't engaged in underage drinking or pot-smoking.

Dear Single Dorm Room, Quadruple Major, Probably:
As a fellow college kid, I admire your abstention. It ain't always easy sayin' no!

Dear Awful Truth:
Is Toothy Tile Nikki Reed?

Dear Lesson in Sarcasm:
Yes. You got it. Case cracked. We can all go home now.

Dear Awful Truth:
Your latest Bitch-Back said that Rathgreene are not the new Robsten. Duh, obviously. But you were harsh about us not taking them serious when they say all that stuff. Did you mean there's nothing there? Because I think I remember you saying that there was. Way to crush the second biggest fanbase on this fandom, you Robsten asskisser!

Dear Rath of Khan:
It's not that you shouldn't take them seriously—it's just that they're nowhere near the level of serious that a couple like Robsten is at. Ashley's still sometimes-fooling around with Chace, which doesn't scream ready-to-settle to me.

Dear Awful Truth:
Is Nevis Devine Colin Farrell?

Dear Colinoscopy:
Nope. Think less vulgar and less sex-tapey.

Dear Awful Truth:
If you have the proof to back up the hideous B.V.s, then why pay any attention to the legal department? Go ahead and name names. When they sue, bring on the proof. Especially those that are so deep into drugs - maybe it will force them to get the help they need!

Dear Proof Positive:
If only that were the way things could really work around here, Cher. But what counts as "proof" isn't always a tangible piece of evidence like a photo or something. We can't all be so lucky as Kate Moss.

Dear Awful Truth:
Ever notice Zac Efron, Chace Crawford, and Julia Roberts all have the same eyebrows?

Dear Eyebrow'd:
You're the first! You win!

Dear Awful Truth:
It seems every week Disney is coming out with the New Miley Cyrus, and each time seems to fail spectacularly, as Miley is on a level of success way above any of her fellow Disney starlets. Does this cause any resentment between the "family"? Particularly between her and three brothers, and could this be at all related to the rumored feud between the Jonas and Cyrus clans?

Dear Cyrus Silence:
You're right about one thing in there—Miley is so damn high, she's not coming down any time soon. But it's not Miley's stratospheric fame that's causing the supposed feud. It's definitely something else.

Dear Awful Truth:
What is the awful truth about Dean Sheremet, LeAnn Rimes soon-to-be ex?

Dear Losin' LeAnn:
If you're looking for some validation that he's playing for Ted's team, we here at the AT don't consider that to be "awful." Sorry, can't help ya out!

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