Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki

Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
So you've told us that Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are pretty into each other (and thank you so much for that, the curiosity was killing me). Just wondering how serious that is? Anything you could tell us would be great!

Dear Padalackles:
I don't mean to start any rumors here, pumpkin, truly, but the two Supernatural studs are as close as fictional brothers can be, or so I hear. Does that mean there's no possibility that they might get all super and natural with each other? Of course not...but you didn't hear it from me.

Dear Ted:
I noticed that during interviews, none of the reporters ask Kristen Stewart or Rob Pattinson directly about their relationship, or at least not anymore. Why is that? Because of their reaction, or are they afraid since the two are now major stars and can do anything, like getting the reporters fired?

Dear Rules of Engagement:
There are certain ground rules that get set for most interviews in this town, of course as laid out by the publicists who handle Robsten. But trust, a reporter wouldn't get fired for asking the burning question: just severely bitched out. Doesn't bother me!

Dear Ted:
What is up with Miley Cyrus' kissy face in the picture with Taylor Lautner on your latest post? Why do people make this kissy face? It's not cute, and they look dumb!

Dear Preteen Posing:
Dumb? Miley Cyrus? Same sentence? I never thought I'd see the day.

Dear Ted:
In your esteemed opinion, which current stars do you think "channel" these Old Hollywood stars' characteristics: Cary Grant (suave and cool), Rock Hudson (strength and comedy), Joan Crawford (true bitchiness), Clark Gable (masculinity) and Ava Gardner (sultriness and sexiness)?

Dear Starstruck:
Based on the traits you listed, I'll give you as follows: Johnny Depp for suave and cool, Will Smith for strength and comedy, Meryl Streep for true bitchiness (but brilliance), Brad Pitt for masculinity and Angelina Jolie for sultriness and sexiness.

Dear Ted:
Journalistic integrity as always? LOL, please. Don't get mad now but that's pushing it big time! Where is your one-to-five orgasm rate on Kim Kardashian? Sorry, can't hear you...You work for E! and their moronic show is on E! You wrote not long ago how hilarious they were. That's not integrity to me because I know for sure you don't find them funny. I'll keep reading your journalistic integrity! Ha ha!

Dear Conflict of Interest:
Sticks and stones, bitch. Khloé is funny, and Kim is supercrafty, as Paris Hilton well knows, so eat my R.Pattz undies.

Dear Ted:
I share your dislike for Jennifer Garner. Her forced sweetness has a bitter undertone beneath the surface. On that note, please spill the beans. Do Jen and Ben Affleck remain together because of their careers, and has Jen ever been the subject of a B.V.?
Curious in Cali

Dear Bennifugly:
Well, there's the career angle, and the Violet angle, and the fact that for some reason, Ben is legitimately into the family life with Jen. As for the B.V., do I even have to tell you that Jen has major dirt on the other Jen?

Dear Ted:
I am tired of the pretty sissy boys like Zac Efron and R.Pattz getting all the hype. I like my men manly and macho like Eric Bana and Daniel Craig. By the way, have any of them ever been the subject of a Blind Vice?

Dear Foreign Fawning:
I don't think Rob is nearly as sissy as Zefron, but I agree: There's nothing wrong with a little meat on a man, just maybe not as much as Eric Dane has. And are you thinking of any B.V. in particular, pooh bear?

Dear Ted:
Do you have an iPhone app for just your columns? If not, I'm waiting! I love your stuff, and I'd love it more if I could get it on the go!

Dear Apple Truth:
No, but that sounds fantastic! Can you hook me up with any techies who want to take on the project?

Dear Ted:
Of course you, they and I want Kristen Stewart's soul—she is very attractive, inside and outside—I'd read a whole encyclopedia about her! Ted, tell me, what would you do with a cliché soul like Miley's? (I can't wait to read your answer.)

Dear Soul Sucker:
Hippie much? I've never been asked something like this before, but...well, OK, I guess I would clean her aura and soothe her chi so that its coloration would become minimalist and peaceful. Or just get her soul away from stripper poles.

Dear Ted:
Just wanted to know why the heck people don't wanna see Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner together? I think she could do way better. But Taylor is a step up from Joe Jonas. Also, Robsten is a total go! Why can't Summit mind their own damn business? It's not like they can fire them both. I wanna see K.Stew get pregnant and see how much Summit flips out! Oh, and Ashley Greene and Chace Crawford? Wow, she's been busy.

Dear Swift Standards:
Tay-tay can do better than Joe Jonas, sure, but why don't you think Lautner is a worthy match? Who should she be dating—John Mayer or something?

Dear Ted:
I think Gael García Bernal is Toothy Tile. Am I right? I have to be!

Dear Who?
Nope. Toothy is someone I actually give a hoot about.

Dear Ted:
Toothy is Taylor Lautner, right? I'm going out on a limb, but I definitely think it's him.

Dear Taylor Tile:
No. Taylor's got dirty laundry, to be sure, but T.L. and T.T. are not the same hunk.

Dear Ted:
Is Terry Tush-Trade still dating his/her significant other? Or have they broken up?

Dear So Many Blinds!
Trust, TTT and his/her honey/boy-toy are still very, very much an item.

Dear Ted:
Now that Robin Wright Penn has filed for divorce again and given an interview about it, I wanted to know what your thoughts are on whether it will actually stick this time.

Dear Pennis Envy:
I think so. Especially since the universally unattractive Sean Penn has been dillydallying with 2 billion other women since (and before?).

Dear Ted:
I just wanted to say I'm a newcomer, and I have a question about Blind Vices. Do you have a page/column/etc., that a newbie can go and find out B.V.s that have been correctly guessed? Or perhaps a loyal fan that has considered making a blog/page/etc., that narrows down wrong guesses that have been made? (Or have you considered any of those?) I'm completely addicted, but I'm having a difficult time sifting through all the info out there!

Dear Sit Tight:
A Blind Vice database will be here by the end of the summer. Don't worry, darling, your addiction will soon be fed!

Dear Ted:
Between your love for rescue pets and fair reporting, you have become a fave daily read. Is there a main castmember of Twilight who has not been listed in a Blind Vice? I am thinking one or two have not...though I could be wrong.

Dear Twi Lies:
Nope, you're absolutely correct. Not everyone has dirt...or at least dirt that's interesting enough to post as a B.V. Bryce Dallas Howard, maybe?

Dear Ted:
I am furious that sites like Perez Hilton and magazines like Life & Style, OK and People are just barely noticing Robsten. I feel they are robbing you because you reported it way before these alleged magazines. If anyone deserves credit when it comes to Robsten, it should be you. From now on you are my only reliable source for Robsten because you reported it first and the others are just riding on your coattails.

Dear Oh, Whatever:
I can't tell you how much fun I have reading the rags when they report about new dish on Robsten. Sooo six months ago, sugar puss!

Dear Ted:
I have seen a few photos with the Eclipse cast and their pets, so do you know if they have been responsible and rescued them or given into the Hollywood pressure and gotten pedigree pets? Also, is it just me or is Kellan Lutz's Havanese (don't quote me on the breed there) not exactly what you would expect from someone who is his size and straight?

Dear Lothario Lutz:
Babe, if you saw a studly het like Kellan walking down the street with an adorable little pooch, you'd want to jump his bones ASAP. It's all part of the sleazy, womanizing plan!

Dear Ted:
I'm officially freaking out. I go online this morning and hear rumors that our dear R.Pattz died of a heroin overdose?! Of course it's false, but I also read that he's claiming that he's single. This can't be true, right? Or are the Summit suits behind this? I saw those pictures at the Kings Of Leon concert and come on, they are sooo together! You always give me the true Robsten info, and for that, thank you! Please reassure me that Robsten exists.

Dear Reassurance:
Yes, yes, yes, Robsten exists. No made-up interviews or pseudo overdoses here.

Dear Ted:
I have always thought there was something puzzling about Heath Ledger's death and Mary-Kate Olsen. Any goss you can part with there? And by the way, just thought I'd chime in on this Robsten business. I think Kristen is pretty and unique. I would be disappointed if Rob ended up with one of those overprocessed floozies!

Dear Floozy-Free:
All we know is what Mary-Kate's said about the sad sitch, which is barely a word. Is she getting PR tips from Nicole Kidman?

Dear Ted:
Please tell me that they are not making Breaking Dawn, the fourth Twilight movie, PG! It at least has to be PG-13...even better if it's R. I just trust your facts and your opinion, so please let us know.

Dear MPAA Antics:
You never know, darling, until right before the editing is done. But trust, I highly doubt that anything less than PG-13 will be considered for the final flick. And Summit tells me, so far, they ain't leanin' toward the kiddie-friendly stuff.

Dear Ted:
This is sooo juicy, I love it. Have Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane ever been (together or separate) the subjects of a B.V.?
Too Good 2 B True

Dear Nudie Tape:
Hell, with a nude-tape scandal, who needs Blind Vices?!

Dear Ted:
Why isn't anyone talking about the steamy dream sequence on True Blood between Sookie and Eric from Sunday? It's de-lish. Don't ya think? More, need more...of E and S. Were you trying to out Alexander Skarsgard with that photo? Is he one of your Blind Vices?
A.T. Reader

Dear Sookie Nooky:
Yes, it was too yum, absolutely! Wonder if fiancé Stephen Moyer was jealous of Anna Paquin's way-too-hot nudity with Alex...oh, and no, sweetheart.

Dear Ted:
Do you think Rob and Kristen have what it takes to go the distance? I know they're in the "business," but it seems like they're private people. Plus, they both have their heads on their shoulders. Rob seemed like he really cares for Kristen. I think they will last. What do you think? What do Papa Stew and Mama Stew think? Ask them!

Dear Baby Stew:
I hope so. I think so. But know so? I do not.

Dear Ted:
I noticed when talking in regard to the Jonas Brothers, you say you think the oldest is the one hiding things. I'm not misquoting you; I just remember what you said. But I was wondering if you were hinting that Kevin is the devil in disguise, or am I completely off the mark?
JoBro Ho

Dear Jonasty:
Nah, Kevin is the biggest do-gooder of the bunch. Joe is the one who I've got my eye on, and Nick is just a bad boy waiting to emerge!

  • Share
  • Tweet
  • Share