Summer Pollapalooza: Five Killer Celeb Conclusions!

We recap some of our summer polls and do some A.T. science to decide the fate of our favorite celebrities.

To those who say the goss biz isn't a respectable or intelligent world, we say, "Suck our science, bitches." Yes, the Awful Truth may reveal some pretty, well, awful truths at times, but at least we do it with dazzling theoretical skills and one damn fabulous execution of the scientific method!

In looking back at some of our polls over the last month, we've come up with some pretty cool hypotheses. And don't ya know, they're all based on the things that you've told us through the online democratic process of poll voting. So here's a nice roundup of the results of what you have to say about the divalicious world of celebrity dirt like Matthew McConaughey, Sienna Miller, Megan Fox, Taylor Lautner, and so much more.

And the conclusions we've drawn are...

1. Matthew McConaughey should leave the country.

Almost half of you opined that Señor Shirtless would be better-suited to go off into the wild and never come back, rather than stay here and flaunt his fitness in front of all of southern California. We asked which celeb should guest star on Man vs. Wild, and more than 40 percent of you wanted Matty to get lost in the wilderness forever. Really, darlings? Matt? You could have chosen Miley Cyrus (think of all the trees that can double as stripper poles) or Prince Harry (the reality show practically sells itself), or myriad other notable names to throw into the poison oak. If McConaughey does it, you know he'll come back even buffer than before, and nobody wants that, right?

2. No matter how much Sienna Miller sucks, people still think she sucks way more than she actually does.

Yeah, we're not fans of the Miller Monster, obvs, but you people think she's way worse than she actually is. Which is still pretty bad, trust, but not as bad as you all seem to think. We asked Sienna a question about punishing the paparazzi at the G.I. Joe premiere last week, which caused her to clam up and walk away, but you baddies actually thought she ended the interview because we asked her about Jude Law and his babymama! Over 75 percent of you! Granted, we probably would have guessed that one, too. But give her a little more credit, babes—if we actually popped that question to Si-Si, she'd probably do the one thing worse than closing her mouth...opening it!

3. Megan Fox is starting to rattle some major nerves.

During the national nerd frenzy that is Shark Week, E! decided to hold its own National Megan Fox Awareness Day and devote our news coverage to that man-eating predator under the sea (C-list, that is). The A.T. followed and submitted this simple query to you lovely readers: are you sick of the Fox, or can you just not get enough? Unsurprisingly, most of you (about 75 percent) were ready to throw Megan back into the ocean and move on to a less-exposed celeb beauty queen. You know that's never gonna happen, though. Megan Fox will stop getting exposure when Carrie Prejean comes out of the closet. Get the sarcasm, kiddies?

4. Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift have nothing on Robsten.

Despite being so convinced that we had found the next couple to make our mouths water from something other than the summer heat, you all shot down our theory that Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner could be something hot in this town of beautiful people. Plenty of you agreed that Taylor-Squared was a sexy little duo, but more than half of you gave the figurative bitch-slap to the fake couple and instead clamored for some more of Robsten. Rob and Kristen are steamy as s--t, but come on, people! Is Swiftner not the most dazzling clashing of beauty since Brad and Angelina had their babies?

5. There will never be another King of Pop (and if there was, Adam Lambert is apparently the best we can do).

We know we're not the biggest Michael Jackson fans out there, but thank Liza that you didn't screw up the results of this one. We posed the question, "Who's the new King of Pop?" and were pretty anxious about what the answers might be. Would Chris Brown, fresh from his days of douchebaggery, take the new title? Would one of the Jonas Brothers take the throne? Thankfully, most of you said it that there would never be (not now nor ever) another King. Sorry to dash your hopes, Kanye. Meanwhile, you picked Adam Lambert as the next best thing, should the title have to be given to someone. Just like we said in the poll...who says the King of Pop can't be a queen?

—Additional reporting by Marc Snetiker