Billie Eilish is grateful to be a woman—but that wasn't always the case.
The seven-time Grammy winner reflected on her feelings about her gender identity while giving a tearful speech at Variety's Power of Women event in Los Angeles.
"It's really hard to be a woman out here guys," Billie said at the Nov. 16 event, presented by Lifetime. "I have never felt truly like a woman. And I've spent a lot of my life not feeling like I fit in to being a woman."
She continued, "For a couple years, because of that insecurity, I became almost like very 'pick me' about it and I'd be like, 'Well, I'm not like other girls 'cause I don't do this and this,'" the 21-year-old continued, "and I've grown to be very resentful of that period of time because I'm so much more interested in being like other girls, because other girls are f--king tight and I love women."
Today, she can still be hard on herself. "This sounds kind of f--ked up—but I have a lot of internalized misogyny inside of me and I find it coming out in places I don't want it to," she shared while getting emotional. "And I have to say with like, full transparency I feel very grateful to be a woman right now."
It wasn't an easy place to get to, which she has been candid about as of late.
"I've never felt desirable," she told Variety in an interview published Nov. 13. "I've never felt feminine. I have to convince myself that I'm, like, a pretty girl. I identify as 'she/her' and things like that, but I've never really felt like a girl."
Billie—who previously dated The Neighbourhood frontman Jesse Rutherford—added that while she has never felt she "could relate to girls very well," she loves them "as people."
"I'm attracted to them as people. I'm attracted to them for real," she said. "I'm physically attracted to them. But I'm also so intimidated by them and their beauty and their presence."
See photos of stars at Variety's Power of Women event below:
Meghan Markle
Riley Keough
Sofia Carson
Billie Eilish
Greta Lee
Fantasia Barrino
Garcelle Beauvais
Addison Rae
Emily Blunt & Carey Mulligan
Josey McNamara, Margot Robbie & Tom Ackerley
Dua Lipa & Margot Robbie
Margot Robbie
Leonardo DiCaprio