Drea de Matteo

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What would smoldering August be without some more burnin' dish from our favorite brothel of catty bitches and hunky husbands, otherwise known as Wisteria Lane?

Today's news comes from one of our myriad dee-lish Desperate desperados, and regards the family of new resident hottie Drea de Matteo...

She will, as you know, become the show's new neighborhood vixen following the all-too-soon axing of Nicollette Sheridan. And while all the rags will have you thinking that Drea's character is the new troublemaker on the cul-de-sac, we're hearing that it's her son, Ben—played by fresh-faced hottie Beau Mirchoff—who will really be the one shaking things up on Wisteria Lane. By going for the gay neighbors or Susan or both? Can't wait to find out?

Yep, we're told that just-under-21 stud Beau (you may recognize him as the angsty Justin Chatwin-type from Scary Movie 4) is going to bring the drama to the ladies of the Lane. Or perhaps his storyline will be more ABC (less Showtime) and he'll romance young Andrea Bowen's character? But, hopefully he'll bring a little more sexual white chocolate to one of the older, more experienced housewives. We're excited, bitches.

But that's not all, Housewives fans.

Ah, but there's even more scoop...

Straight off of our sneaky Are You Smarter Than a Gossip Columnist? bit, we're also getting this annoying dish about ABC's nasty cigarette habits.

During a recent scene that finds Kathryn Joosten smoking an after-sex cigarette in bed, the crew supposedly had to actually blow smoke from off-screen while K-hon just held the stupid cig in place. Mrs. McCluskey couldn't inhale a thing, owed entirely to the bitchy little suits at ABC, who won't actually allow characters on any of their programs to actively take a drag off a cig as long as that camera is running.

The scandal isn't about Joosten so much as it's about those damned stupid company policies. You've got Morgan Mayhem doing meth every which way in real life, and on cable shows like Mad Men you can't watch one scene without spotting a friggin' fag at least somewhere. Get with the damn times, ABC! When will the networks catch up with cable and the real world? Maybe when people on TV start acting like real people, perhaps?

There's a reason HBO always sweeps at the Emmys, and it ain't just 'cause they can show a pair-o-tits every once in a while.

—Additional reporting by Marc Snetiker

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