Brad Pitt, Inglorious Basterds (poster)

Francois Duhamel/ TWC 2009

If you Brad Pitt lovers are looking for some ripped and sweaty man candy, like out of Troy or Fight Club, sorry, folks, Inglourious Basterds isn't gonna satisfy that appetite one bit. An early peek at the Quentin Tarantino war flick (think Kill Bill Vol. World War II) reveals—horrors!—a near ancient Pittster!

In this bloody pic, Brad basically plays an over-the-top, Popeye-esque Nazi-basher sporting a Southern accent straight outta True Blood. Fun stuff. Ridiculous, eccentric, and, weirdest of all, Brad looks totally old. Like, Benjamin Button as a baby old, but no CGI this time.

Are you ready for it?

We can't even count the number of super-tight close-ups of Brad's face in Basterds. Angie's man-toy gets zoomed in on mucho with a surprising amount of wrinkles for a man of only 45.

Is it that exhausting being a father of six kids and partner to the most demanding Humanitarian in the world? Apparently. And is going au naturale to a fault a smart move for Pitt's career?

Brad's already got more than enough beauty pics in the can to keep fans salivating for him on DVD forever, he can finally concentrate on being an actor instead of some superhunk. He's reached that rare level of fame where he can basically do anything to his face and we'll still show up to watch him—wisely, he's chosen to not do a thing.

Can you imagine a pinned-and-snipped Brad Pitt akin to the botched mug job on Rupert Everett? Ugh, please, no! It's a lot less effort and a ton less moolah to age gracefully than keep desperately slurping at the fountain of youth.

Brad's a breath of fresh air, you must agree, since most of H-wood stretches and pulls the living hell out of their face 'til there's barely anything left. Just look at Nicole Kidman: her face was tweaked within an inch of its life in Australia—so much so that they had to invent "new technology" to let her show any emotion at all—and that overstuffed flick was a complete bomb, critically and money-wise.

When's the last time she got some Oscar love? Playing ugly in The Hours.

And it's not just the gals—Everett and Mickey Rourke's contortions are so unnecessarily tragic we can barely manage to glance at photos of the handsome men they once were.

But, uh…something tells us, once Angie dumps Brad, as she so will one day soon, he'll be lookin' his ol' stud-babe self again in no time, we guarantee it.

—Additional reporting by Becky Bain

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