When Amber Borzotra showed up at The Challenge house this season, she brought with her a secret weapon that was neither an already-formed alliance nor anything on the reality series' list of contraband.
Having just been diagnosed with autism before turning up South Africa, the 35-year-old shared in an exclusive interview with E! News, "I walk in and I'm like, 'I feel so much more relieved knowing this about me.'"
Vying for her second win on The Challenge: Global Championship (currently streaming on Paramount+) and having unlocked this part of herself she hadn't fully understood in three-plus decades, "it made it easier to play the game," she continued. "I know when I'm having meltdowns or I'm in uncomfortable situations what to do and what works for me."
Admittedly, she hadn't gone in with high expectations. Fresh off competing on Ride or Dies with boyfriend Chauncey Palmer (dad to her soon-to-arrive first child), "I didn't know what to expect," she acknowledged. "I'm like, 'Oh no, here we go again. Another season of Amber spiraling."
Instead, she soared.
"I realized putting myself in that situation, knowing my diagnosis made it easier," she shared. "I allowed myself to do the things I needed to do to make me feel comfortable without caring if I'm judged or not."
For most competitors, the gauntlet that is The Challenge's unique mix of social politics, acts of brute strength and feats of the stomach can feel tougher than any Hall Brawl.
But Borzotra found each season particularly tiresome.
"I was masking," she shared, referring to the common practice of imitating behaviors to appear more like the people around you. For her, that might mean working to maintain eye contact. "In my mind, I'm like, 'Okay, look at their eyes, look at their eyes, look at their eyes,'" she explained. "And it's exhausting. I'm trying to smile and have a conversation."
She didn't fully understand why she felt the need to do it "And then at the end of the day, it literally felt like taking that mask off and I'm just depleted," she described. "I feel exhausted from trying to fit in all the time and trying to make others feel good."
Returning to the States from Argentina after her experience on Ride or Dies last year, the Big Brother alum realized she needed answers. Something just felt off.
"I've struggled with depression, anxiety, OCD, all those things," Borzotra detailed. "But there were things that weren't being fixed by medication. It just felt like there was something deeper that I needed to understand."
Receiving the diagnosis after months of appointments and testing "was very overwhelming," she admitted. Particularly because it came midway through her fourth decade. "It was difficult because now I'm like, 'Okay, no one else understood me. How do I understand myself?' I'm now trying to learn these parts of me, but at the same time, this has always been me."
On the one hand, Borzotra said, "It's kind of refreshing because after I got my diagnosis, I feel better being in certain situations. I feel better when it comes to stimming or masking."
Now when she's biting her lip, rubbing her hands or twirling her hair (some of the repetitive movements she engages in, known as stims, or self-stimulatory behaviors), she continued, "I'm thinking about it and I'm like, 'Okay, I'm doing this.'"
Still, she acknowledged, it would have been nice to have the answer key to this particular puzzle years ago.
"I think what hurt the most, though, was being diagnosed later in life," Borzotra noted. "Because I've always struggled with that identity and wondering why relationships have been so hard, friendships. Getting the diagnosis has just made things so clear. I feel like, wow, I understand myself now."
And though everything is still very new ("I'm learning why I'm doing all these things"), she's diving deep into research mode.
That includes connecting with some of the strangers who have flooded her Instagram with encouraging comments and leaning on her Challenge family. "I got so much love from certain people like [Johnny] Bananas and Moriah [Jadea], Fessy [Shafaat], Kaycee [Clark], Nany [González]," Borzotra said, "of course my amazing boyfriend and Laurel [Stucky] and Jakk [Maddox], Michele [Fitzgerald]."
She also found some surprising sources of support from within her existing social circle.
"I recently connected with someone and I didn't know that they were diagnosed late in life either," she shared of a male friend. "We were talking about everything that we do and now how things make sense. It's nice to have someone that really understands you and I'm hoping to continue to build that community of people."
Because one of the highlights of the past few weeks has been hearing from others on the spectrum with stories to tell.
"What made me feel really happy about it all was knowing that I can still accomplish things. I can force myself to be in uncomfortable situations and push through. I can have healthy relationships. I can be a mom," she explained. Even sweeter were the parents who reached out writing, "'I didn't know if my child could do this or that, but seeing you do it gives me hope,'" Borzotra shared. "So it makes me feel good knowing that I have so much love and positivity in my corner."
And she's eager to add another member to her team.
Due to welcome her first child soon ("I feel very pregnant," she shared. "I have to go to the bathroom all the time, I can't sleep"), she's already envisioning their lives as a family of three.
"I didn't come from a lot," the reality TV vet explained. "I feel like now I get to give my child things I never got to have. Or I can do things with my baby that I never got to do. Because I grew up in Tennessee, small little farm, barefoot running around every day. The only time I could come in the house is when my mama whistled for dinner."
And now having traveled everywhere from Argentina to Iceland, "seeing that there's such a beautiful world out there and things that I never knew till my 20s, I want my child to experience the things that I never got to experience," she explained. "Coming from not much and knowing I can give my child that means the world to me."
Of course, she'll make sure to find time between all that memory-making to hit the weight room.
"I'm about to pop this baby out and I'm going to be back on the show," she vowed of competing for subsequent Challenge titles. "So, yes, this is not the last of me."
And she's excited about putting every last facet of her personality on display.
Revealing her autism diagnosis during the Ride or Dies reunion last month, "I felt so free. I was like, 'This is me,'" she noted. "Others made me felt like something was always wrong with me, but there was never anything wrong. This is just who I am."