Selena Gomez is turning her pain into purpose.
As the singer prepares to give fans an honest look at her mental health journey in Apple TV+ documentary Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me, the 30-year-old is sharing new details about how dark her life became in her 20s.
"It would start with depression, then it would go into isolation," Selena told Rolling Stone. "Then it just was me not being able to move from my bed. I didn't want anyone to talk to me."
Her friends would bring food, but none of them knew what was truly going on. "Sometimes it was weeks I'd be in bed," Selena explained, "to where even walking downstairs would get me out of breath."
And while the Only Murders in the Building actress did not attempt suicide, she said she spent years contemplating it. As she shared, "I thought the world would be better if I wasn't there."
In her new interview, Selena also shared her struggles to shed her Disney image and live up to the reality she envisioned for herself. When she turned 25, the "My Mind and Me" singer was upset to be nowhere close to being married.
"It was so stupid, but I really thought my world was over," she said. "I never fit in with a cool group of girls that were celebrities. My only friend in the industry really is Taylor [Swift], so I remember feeling like I didn't belong. I felt the presence of everyone around me living full lives. I had this position, and I was really happy, but… was I? Do these materialistic things make me happy? I just didn't like who I was, because I didn't know who I was."
Today, Selena is proud of the work she has done to make her mental health a priority. After entering four different treatment facilities and receiving a bipolar diagnosis, she is ready to share her story in hopes of helping others.
"I know it has a big message, but am I the right person to bring it to light?" Selena asked herself. "I don't know. I wanted someone to say, ‘Selena, this is too intense.' But everyone was like, ‘I'm really moved.'"
Keep scrolling to see more revelations from Selena's documentary streaming on Apple TV+ starting Nov. 4.
If you or anyone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources.