Content warning: This story discusses a suicide attempt.
Machine Gun Kelly is opening up like never before.
In the musician's new documentary for Hulu, Life in Pink, MGK recalled a few deeply personal instances of his life, one of which included a suicide attempt following the death of his father in July 2020. The 32-year-old explained that while he was while on the phone with his fiancée Megan Fox one night (as he suffered from a state of distress), he put in a shotgun in his mouth. As the musician recalled, he found himself becoming paranoid while Megan was away filming in Bulgaria.
"I wouldn't leave my room. I started getting really, really, really dark," he said. "I started getting this really wild paranoia. Like, I kept getting paranoid that someone was gonna come and kill me."
He continued, "One of the days, I just f--kng snapped. I called Megan, I was like, ‘You aren't here for me.' I'm in my room and I'm, like, freaking out on her. Dude, I put the shotgun in my mouth. And I'm yelling on the phone and like the barrel's in my mouth."
"And I go to cock the shotgun and the bullet, as it comes back up, the shell just gets jammed," he recalled. "Megan's, like, dead silent. That was kind of where I started realizing, like, something's not right."
The instance, as MGK—who has been open about his past drug use—explained, made him realize he "needed to kick the drugs," which prompted him to throw himself into his work instead.
Elsewhere, the feature also explores all aspects of his career and personal life, with one of the perspectives even coming from the musician's 12-year-old daughter, Casie. Keep reading for everything we've learned from the film:
MGK—born Colson Baker—touched on his past heavy drug use in the Hulu documentary, which featured archival footage of the "Emo Girl" singer showing off what appeared to be a plastic bag full of shrooms and pills.
According to the musician, he got "deep into drugs" after the lackluster performance of his 2019 album, Hotel Diablo. "I feel like that fire died down a little bit because I got discouraged," he recalled. "I've never seen anyone self-sabotage more than me."
Travis Barker, whose intimate Italian wedding with Kourtney Kardashian was attended by MGK, recounted how he first met the rapper at a Blink-182 concert. "Kells came back after the show to party a little bit," he shared, adding with a laugh, "I remember we left him in a weed coma where he couldn't move."
Elsewhere in the doc, Machine Gun Kelly said he considers Travis his "big brother."
We've all heard of Megan's "I am weed" story of their first encounter that launched a thousand memes, but according to MGK, he was actually the "most unconfident, insecure dude" when he met the Transformers actress.
Explaining that the pandemic prevented Megan from seeing him perform during the early days of their relationship, MGK remembered thinking "just let me go on a stage and let me show you I'm cool," only for her to say, "Dude, I love you."
Machine Gun Kelly's father passed in July 2020, one year after the release of Hotel Diablo. He recalled that he was with Megan when the hospital called him, sharing that he listened in as his dad "took his last breath."
"That was the last time I heard from my father," he continued, adding that his father was "clearly checking out" when he saw him days prior to the heartbreaking phone call.
Recounting their last in-person interaction, MGK said, "He was just staring up at the ceiling and had the biggest smile because he thought he was in heaven and I was an angel visiting him as his son. And he just goes, 'What a trip.'"
Following the death of his dad, MGK said he was in a "really dark" place and "kept getting paranoid that someone was gonna come and kill me" to a point where he started sleeping with a shotgun by his bed. "One of the days, I just f--king snapped. I called Megan," he recalled, saying that he then started "freaking out on her."
He continued, "I put the shotgun in my mouth and I'm yelling on the phone, and the barrel's in my mouth. I go to cock the shotgun and the bullet, as it comes back up, the shell just gets jammed. Megan's dead silent."
At that moment, according to MGK, he realized that "something's not right" and pivoted toward changing for Megan and his daughter, Casie. He remembered telling himself, "I need to kick the drugs for real this time."
Life in Pink not only documented Machine Gun Kelly's 2021 VMAs performance, but it also captured his reaction to his headline-making scuffle with Conor McGregor on the red carpet. In the aftermath of the heated encounter, he said told the camera crew backstage, "Let me wash this weak ass whiskey with a shot!"
MGK daughter's Casie got candid about witnessing his struggles with addiction, saying that though he "stopped doing drugs, he gets addicted to doing other things to supply that feeling."
"He's addicted to rolling tobacco and addicted to working," she said. "He's always working."