InstagramDavid Archuleta was only 17 when he first became a household name serenading millions of viewers on American Idol, his journey to the finale culminating in a second-place finish, a record deal and a forever spot in his fans' hearts.
The heady experience—belting out ballads every week on national TV, the pressure to hit every note or risk Simon Cowell's wrath, countless "Archies" screaming their heads off over their newfound crush—would have been overwhelming for anyone. But on top of that was an internal struggle that Archuleta has only recently started to come to terms with after years of trying to reject who he was.
Not that introspection is an unfamiliar concept for the now 30-year-old singer—his most recent album was called Therapy Sessions, after all—but in the wake of his latest breakup with a woman, he realized he wasn't being honest with himself.
"I just felt like, Okay, it's not just the girl, it is me. And I thought, Oh, well, therapy will help," Archuleta, who came out to the world as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community in a June 12 Instagram post, reflected in an emotional new interview with E! News.
"And then I realized it's not just therapy. And then like, Oh shoot, I have to be honest with myself about what's going on! And I don't want to, but it was a lot of prayer," he recalled. "And I was coming out to myself. But the reason I made it public, I guess, is so that I didn't feel like I had to hide something from people, like I want to be honest and real with people, as real as I can."
The response from various artist friends ("I don't like to name drop") and his American Idol family, including season seven winner David Cook, who reached out to tell him he was proud, was "so kind, so supportive," Archuleta said. It also meant a lot to hear from fellow contestant Brooke White, who is Mormon, as he is, and was "one of the first people I shared a few years back that I was struggling with figuring out my sexuality."
To be clear, he added, he did not write that post for attention or with the expectation that anyone would reach out. Rather, one day he was simply doing yard work and he got the message from on high that it was time to share what he'd been going through.
It was a message he resisted at first, Archuleta explained, thinking he wasn't ready, that he wasn't sure how his more religious fans would react, the singer having a big following among fellow members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But he ultimately sensed that it was time, regardless.
"Maybe someone was feeling like they were good for nothing and even thinking 'I shouldn't be here anymore,'" he said. "And maybe they needed it that evening. I don't know. I just knew I needed to do it."
Raised with his four siblings in a deeply religious household by mom Guadalupe, a salsa singer and dancer originally from Honduras, and his musician dad Jeff Archuleta, who's of Spanish, German and Irish descent, Archuleta admits that he felt his sexuality was at odds with his faith. He struggled especially with the realization that his future might not include the traditional version of a family that he grew up assuming he would have.
"It's easy, just find a woman and get married, and then you have kids, and if she's not able to have kids, then you're not," he said, summing up what was presented to him. "Because that's just how it was growing up as a Christian, as a Latter-day Saint. But I'm coming to terms with my own journey, and I've actually tried to get into relationships, I've tried to move forward with marriage in the past, and it just always ended up being really, really... I don't know how to describe it. Just, it turned out to be completely not how I would have hoped it would have gone."
As far as his thoughts on having a family in the future, he admitted, "I don't know what it means for me anymore."
Not that he isn't aware that he does have options, but, he explained, "I have to be more open to what that can mean. And what those options would be. It's a new process for me."
Overall, to Archuleta, having kids would mean the chance "to pass on everything that I've learned, to help them have a good life and to be kind, and to help just make a positive impact, wherever they are—and however they are. I still find that beautiful, because there's nothing more beautiful than to share. And I feel like family is such a great place to share and to find purpose and meaning for oneself, especially when we get older."
If the singer still sounds a little hesitant about becoming a dad one day, that's because he's still working on directing that kindness he speaks of inward.
"I don't know when I'm going to think I'm going to be okay with myself," he admitted. "I'm still trying to teach myself to look at myself non-judgmentally. I've had to accept that, for example, I'm more attracted to guys. And that's been hard for me, coming from a standpoint of my belief is I'm supposed to be married to a woman."
He remembered the "devastation" he felt when he realized that wasn't what he wanted and no longer knew what was going to happen. But eventually, Archuleta continued, "It's like, okay, do I choose to be single then for the rest of my life?... God always also said it's not good for man to be alone."
It's been "really hard" to wrap his mind around, he said. "It kind of tears at me a little bit."
Needless to say, he's done a lot of praying, and he considers it a plus that this turning point has forced him to really see himself.
And, to accept that the man standing there is exactly who he's supposed to be.
Archuleta shared, "I feel like God is saying, 'David, you're a lot more judgmental towards yourself. And the belief that you're created for who you are, you're a lot more judgmental than I am towards you, because I created you, I know what you're going through. And I know the turmoil that you're gonna have to face moving forward in your life from this point. But do you trust me?'"
Already a devoted uncle to his nieces and nephews, Archuleta was inspired to share some of the insight he's gleaned from his own prayer regimen in his debut children's book, My Little Prayer, inspired by his song of the same name, which acknowledges that having a relationship with God can feel pretty one-sided sometimes but, as with most things, it's a process.
It's about "just being real with God," he said, and showing gratitude but also feeling free to admit you're disappointed or frustrated, or unsatisfied with the information at hand. Archuleta has been praying his whole life, but he too is "still learning," he insisted.
"I wouldn't be where I am now if it weren't for prayer, if it weren't for my relationship with God, but I've had to learn to not say, 'No, this is how it is. Nope, this is what I think God has already said, and it can't be anything else.' I have to be open to God, that He is continuously speaking and continuously showing more light and more knowledge to his kids."
When it comes to his faith and his sexuality, despite having heard otherwise growing up, "those two can exist" together, he said, trusting that it's all part of God's plan. "I know that's where I need to be," he said. "And whatever comes with that, I just have to be willing to roll with the punches."
And he made the choice to publicly come out, Archuleta explained, because he didn't want to hide his true self, especially from people who might be helped by his honesty.
Sure, "you can keep things private and still share things about yourself. So why share about your sexuality?" he said, describing a possible counterargument to his conclusion. But he ultimately figured, "You know what, because I felt so alone, as I've been trying to figure this out, coming to terms with it, I know there's gonna be someone else out there who's feeling lonely and scared, confused, and probably feeling like they're... worth nothing in a spiritual, religious aspect."
He continued, "And so what good is it for me to even stick around here in this life" if he couldn't help? "I just wanted to give someone else a little bit more help to just keep hanging in there and that there's a place for them."
Archuleta said he knows full well that there are people—he used to be one of them—who think being gay and believing in God are mutually exclusive.
"I never asked to be gay, I tried nearly all my life to not be, I'm realizing that doesn't work," he said. "That's not how it works. So I'm at this point, I just need to come to Him as I am. And a lot of people say, 'Well, if you come to Him he's going to change you,' and I'm like, 'Well, I've been trying that and He still hasn't changed me, so I guess I have to just accept that that's how I am and that He will still love me and that I'm still doing my best.' And regardless if people understand that or not, I just want to make more room for people to be themselves, whatever that may mean."
Suffice it to say, after doing a few shows since event venues started opening up again, he can't wait to hit the road next year for his "OK, All Right Tour," performing in front of an audience his favorite cure for what ails him.
"I forgot how relieving it feels," he said. "Because therapy helps to release what you're holding inside of you to find proper, healthier channels for that energy to come out, whether it's anger, frustration, sadness, confusion, and to make more sense of it. And performance is that for me, it's like a healthy channel to get all that out of my system. A lot of the songs I wrote to vent, you know, they were out of therapy. So to perform them live, it feels so good. And people have a good time while I'm relieving myself of all this baggage, you know, so it's a lot of fun."
At the same time, he added, "Maybe they can find some relief from whatever baggage they're carrying and can just let it go as well in the show. Let it go."
Apparently, that's exactly what happens for a lot of his fans, people who've been supporting him 100 percent of the way on his journey since Idol. One commented on a Sept. 24 Instagram photo of Archuleta performing at Sandy Amphitheater in Utah how much they loved his song "My Little Prayer."
"You know," the fan wrote, "some people connect with and bless a few people in their lives, but you have connected with, touched, and made a difference in SO many people's lives. You've had a rare opportunity that the rest of us will never have, and we are so grateful for you for doing that and for making a difference for so many of us."
Wrote another, "Your message on mental health is the highlight. The music is awesome of course but the messages of hope you give are even better. Thank You."
His latest single is "Movin'," one of several new tracks he released this year, because like so many of us after a year-plus of pandemic restrictions, he was just ready to move.
"It was just to get people to have a good time and moving and dancing, and just feeling good," he explained. "So I released two versions, because I'm super indecisive, I couldn't make up my mind on which direction to take it. So I made one more Latin flavor. And another one that was more, I don't know if it's disco, or '80s-vibe dance floor feel, but two versions people can listen to. And two videos, too! I did two choreographies, as well, totally went out of my comfort zone. But it was a lot of fun to do."
And Archuleta will be movin' through life with a new spring in his step, one that he's still getting used to as he unpacks all that baggage he was lugging around.
"I'm still learning how to unburden," he admitted. "There's always going to be burdens we're carrying throughout our whole life, and I think that's how it's supposed to be. If we didn't have any burdens or problems, I feel like we wouldn't be as compassionate as we should be, or as grounded as we need to be, and have perspective. So I will always be unburdening something, but I feel a lot lighter than I have, probably ever, and I'm very grateful for that."