Ben Higgins is done seeing things through rose-colored glasses.
The former lead of The Bachelor recently revealed on the Better Etc podcast with Trista Sutter just how deeply his mental health has suffered since finding reality TV stardom.
"I am back in Indiana right now because of a breakdown, again, in my life where I'm going, ‘I don't know what's happening,'" he shared. "‘I don't know what this next season of life looks like for me.' I'm farther and farther removed from the show, and at the same time, I need to figure out what my life is going to look like and what my legacy is going to be."
He called this an "exciting season" in his life, but admitted he's still having a "hard" time. Higgins is engaged to Jessica Clarke, who he met outside of Bachelor Nation after his previous engagement to Lauren Bushnell.
"It's also really hard because I'm at a low place. I don't see myself as this thriving figure right now," the 32-year-old continued. "I'm kind of lamenting and separating myself from a lot of things that I have held close."
Higgins said he went from feeling like an "outsider" before going on The Bachelorette to people always telling him that he's "awesome."
"I [started] building an identity around that," he admitted. "I started to really feel like, ‘Oh, my gosh, this is the thing that I was needing to fill me, this is the thing that will change the rest of my life, I'll be in the in-group forever now.'"
And as time went on, he felt less "lustfulness toward fame" and said it "started to fade."
"I started to try to reach to stay relevant… and the more I did that the more I lost myself… the more I was living, not just for other people, but just for other people's attention, not even to have a connection with them," he shared.
The former show lead has been a co-host on the Almost Famous podcast with Ashley Iaconetti, another Bachelor Nation star, for years.