Of the four episodes of the new iCarly that have dropped so far, the latest one is definitely the most surreal.
In "iGot Your Back," Spencer (Jerry Trainor) wants Freddie (Nathan Kress) to get back into the dating game after the divorced "short king" fails to realize a PostRabbit delivery girl is flirting with him. Spencer thinks that maybe his rocket scientist friend Ramona might be interested, but it turns out she isn't, so Spencer hires a girl to pretend to be Ramona. While he thinks he hired her from the TaskRabbit/Postmates mashup PostRabbit, he was actually using a very different service called Eager Bunny, which is for hiring sex workers. So, as Freddie continues to date the fake, non-rocket scientist Ramona, Spencer's shelling out hundreds and hundreds of dollars for every hour they date.
Spencer agonizes over whether or not to tell Freddie, but when Freddie says things didn't work out with Ramona because she kept having to leave for "nuclear physicist emergencies," he simply decided not to say anything at all about how he had hired a woman on a sex worker app to deceive Freddie. This show certainly ain't for kids no more!
Meanwhile, Carly (Miranda Cosgrove) and Harper (Laci Mosley) bonded over their love of the iCarly equivalent of the Real Housewives before landing themselves in a Housewives-level fight, and Carly realized that her ideal man is "hot and dumb." All of it was exactly the type of thing that would totally happen on an episode of iCarly, except there are sex workers and himbos, and Freddie also has a child. It's still taking some time to get used to, especially as every new piece of information only leaves us with more questions.
How did Freddie get to two divorces and an 11-year-old adopted daughter? What has Carly been doing with her life before restarting iCarly? Where is Gibby?
Below, we're keeping track of the many questions the show has answered, and the mysteries yet to be solved, while we continue to wrap our minds around the fact that we're all very old now.
Carly's dad was often mentioned (on a submarine with no internet), but her mother was never once spoken of. It sounds like that remains the case in the new show, as Carly explained to a boy in the first episode.
Luke: "What does your dad do?"
Carly: "He's in the air force, but was somehow on a submarine? And...I'm not exactly sure."
Luke: "OK, what's your mom like?"
Carly: "Uh...I...let's go back to my dad!"
In the first episode, Freddie explained 10 years of his backstory in a way that only gave us more questions. As he told Spencer, he pursued his dreams, married for love, and two divorces later, he's back living with his mom!
He adopted the daughter of one of his ex-wives, and now shares custody of her. Her mother is apparently out of town a lot. She's 11 years old, and since we know that Carly is 26 in this show, that means Freddie was approximately 15 when Millicent was born.
So does that mean Freddie's ex-wife was way older, or that she was a teen mom? How old was Freddie when he got married? How old was he when he got divorced twice? Why hasn't he gotten a better haircut? Has he gotten therapy for his deep-rooted issues with his mom? We just have so many questions about Fredward Benson that this show had better answer!
Carly and Harper met while Harper was at work at Skybucks, and bonded over their love of the show The Real Widows of Wisconsin. Now, Harper is Carly's BFSS (Best Friend Since Sam), and Carly is Harper's BFUMCER (Best Friend Unless My Cousin Ever Resurfaces).
Harper's family was once very rich, but then they lost all their money and now she works at a coffee shop.
Spencer is now a ridiculously wealthy artist, thanks to his breakout sculpture: The White House, made out of marshmallows that had accidentally begun to melt. Now he owns a falcon, and he's just as weird and single as ever. He also couldn't be bothered to move out of the loft, but he did completely renovate it.
We have yet to learn what he's done with Carly's hi-tech bedroom that he designed during the original show, but maybe we'll see more of the loft in future episodes.
The series finale of the original iCarly saw the titular web star heading to Italy with her dad, and she revealed in the first episode of the new show that she became a host of Italian QVC. She also worked in college radio after her time in Italy, and from there, Carly's professional life is a bit of a mystery. She doesn't seem to have a job now, other than influencer, but she already had her apartment on her own before Harper moved in.
She just now started iCarly again, so was she just doing brand deals on Instagram? Is Spencer just giving her money? It's very unclear.
While most things don't make a whole lot of sense so far, Sam's absence actually totally works. She and Carly are still friends, but she's off traveling the country with a biker gang called The Obliteraters, and Carly said she was more worried for the rest of the gang than for Sam herself. That sounds exactly correct for the Sam Puckett we all know and love (and fear), but we wouldn't say no to more info about how Sam has spent the last 10 years. Did she go to college? Did she get a job?
Also, remember how she has an identical twin sister named Melanie? What is she up to?
While the lack of Sam has been suitably explained, Gibby (Noah Munck) hasn't been mentioned at all. Jerry Trainor and Nathan Kress have even told press that they have no idea if his whereabouts will be explained, so Gibby remains, as usual, a mystery.
We're just really hoping for at least a glimpse of 2021 Gibby, living his absolute best life. Perhaps Emily Ratajkowski could return as his girlfriend Tasha?
iCarly's ultimate stalker Nora (Danielle Morrow) went to juvie after kidnapping her internet idols once, then got out of juvie and kidnapped them again. She then went through 10 years of therapy that all went right out the window as soon as she ran into Carly at Skybucks, and now she's casually scaling buildings to appear on Carly's balcony.
That girl literally tortured Spencer once upon a time, so maybe somebody should be keeping an eye on her who is not her parents. Never forget that they fully helped and supported her kidnapping plan!
New episodes of iCarly hit Paramount+ on Thursdays.