Dixie D'Amelio is pulling back the curtain on her behind-the-scenes struggles.
During her and sister Charli D'Amelio's Feb. 4 episode of their 2 Chix podcast, the 19-year-old TikTok star addressed the "hate" she's been facing over how she presents herself online. As Dixie explained to listeners, she doesn't usually speak on things going on in her life. However, "I hate how it comes across," she said, "because I don't mean for it to be that way."
Dixie went on to openly discuss her struggles with anger. "I have explosions of emotions due to some health things I have," she said. "I have outbursts of anger, and emotion, and talk without thinking because I have other things going on in my body that I can't control."
While she's now taking medication, the teen, who has amassed more than 23 million followers on Instagram and nearly 49 million followers on TikTok, has been facing difficult thoughts and grappling with guilt.
"Recently, I just feel guilty for every single thing I do, every opportunity I have," she explained. "I broke down the other day and I was like, 'Would it just be better, would I be doing more people a favor if I wasn't here?' kind of thing. I'm not trying to...for sympathy or anything. I just want to be real. That's how I'm feeling."
Dixie continued, "I just feel guilty for being alive sometimes, and I'm, like, for something I can't control. And It's affected me personally, and I've been feeling this way for months."
The social media personality noted she is aware she can seem bratty or ungrateful, but "at the end of the day, when you're unhappy with your own life, you don't care about anything." She also explained that she uses comedy "to deal with my feelings of not wanting to be here."
The star told listeners she has recently undergone "a lot of tests" and has "been to the doctors a bunch of times." As she put it, "At the end of the day, you have to give me a little bit of grace that you never know exactly what someone else is going through."