Amanda Kloots took to Instagram on Monday and shared an honest message about what it's been like to see her husband, Nick Cordero, fight for his health. Cordero has been in the hospital for about three months due to complications caused by the coronavirus.
"I had a hard day today," Kloots began. "I cried all day basically. I got mad today, too. I got mad at God. I'm praying and I have people all over the world praying. I said to my mom and dad, 'Why can't He throw us a bone? I'm sorry but I'm mad at him right now.'"
While the fitness guru said she "felt bad" after the "outburst," she said "it needed to come out."
"Believing in God doesn't mean you can't question what is happening. Why things happen. Why my prayers aren't being answered in my time," she continued. "I was taught that it is OK to question things in life. I think in being brave enough to say it out loud actually acknowledges the fear that you have deep down inside you. And, of course, I have it. It's impossible not [to.]"
Kloots then wrote about how she "broke big time today; at home, at the hospital in front of the doctors and while sitting next to Nick."
"I couldn't keep it together," she added.
Kloots then asked "how do you overcome it and stay positive?"
"I acknowledge the day I had," she continued. "It's OK. It's OK to cry, to get mad and say it's not fair. I will keep my faith and keep asking for miracles. I will put my armor back on and walk taller tomorrow. I will do the best I can do and make myself as big as I can. This, these 89 days now, have been tough. I broke today. I'll be back tomorrow. God doesn't expect me to be perfect. He doesn't expect anyone [to]."
Cordero was admitted to the hospital in late March. The Broadway star was initially diagnosed with pneumonia and tested negative for coronavirus twice. After being given a third test, he tested positive for COVID-19. He has since tested negative for coronavirus again. Cordero has experienced several complications over the course of his hospitalization, including having his leg amputated and experiencing lung damage. He was placed in a medically induced coma for several weeks and is now awake. However, Kloots said he is "profoundly weak," noting that he "interacts with his eyes" and answers questions "by looking up for yes and down for no."
"Imagine how you feel getting the flu and how it can take your body a full week to recover," Kloots wrote in part of a post last week. "Now imagine how Nick's body feels, all that he has gone through and how long it will take him to recover."
She also gave fans an update on his health over the weekend.
"Nick is doing OK. It's just that he's in this vicious ICU dance circle where one thing goes right, and then another thing goes wrong, and that thing that was wrong goes right, but then the thing that was right goes wrong," Kloots said via Instagram Stories at the time, per CBS News. "To me, right now it's just like, how do we get out of this vicious circle, this circle of the ICU?"
She reportedly later added, "There's still carbon dioxide level problems. He's still acidotic, and there's still blood pressure issues. So, we kind of really need those things to get sorted in order to move forward."
Despite Cordero's setbacks, Kloots has remained positive and posted videos of her followers dancing and singing for him in support. On Monday, she wrote about how she's "hoping for a good week" and asking for prayers.
"Please pray that his Ph levels normalize," she wrote in part of the post. "Please pray that he can get off blood pressure medicines. I believe in the power of prayer."