It finally happened. Colton Underwood finally lost...his patience, and jumped over that damn fence.
Very quickly into this season, we were no longer even sort of caring about the virgin Bachelor losing his virginity. Our main concern suddenly became the fence jump that was previewed after the premiere. Why did he do it? Was it actually as dramatic as it looked? What was on the other side of the fence? We finally finally got some of those answers tonight, after we were fooled into thinking it was happening in multiple other episodes.
Turns out it was so worth it. Let's start from the beginning.
Colton and Tayshia's overnight date in Portugal went pretty normally. They had a good time, ate some dinner, awkwardly accepted the joint hotel room, and teased the fact that maybe, just maybe, they're gonna have sex.
Tayshia confirmed the next morning that they did not have sex, but that's not what she wanted out of the night anyway, so it's totally fine, whatevs. She left him on totally fine terms, telling him she loved him, she'll see him at the rose ceremony. He had two other women to spend the night with, meanwhile.
Colton's date with Cassie was also just fine. They kissed under octopus hats and danced in small boutiques. She wanted to cross the bridge and he was all, we can do whatever you want.
Then some church bells started ringing and they felt strangely ominous, even as Colton and Cassie made out in an alley and on streets and in stores and just generally in a lot of places. Colton said he was sure he loves Cassie, and Cassie said he's perfect, she can see a future with him, but she just wishes she had more time.
Then Colton revealed that Cassie's dad did not give him his blessing/permission to marry Cassie, and Cassie was shocked. She was super thrown off and it made her second guess pretty much everything.
That was only made worse when her dad showed up at her hotel room to basically tell her it didn't seem like she was really in love with Colton, and she had her own doubts. She likes Colton, but she's just not sure she wants to marry him yet, which is the most understandable, reasonable feeling anyone on this franchise has ever expressed.
"I want to feel that 100% this is the person for me, I'm in love, and 100% confident in it, that's what I want. I want what my dad and my mom have. And I don't have that right now," she told the cameras.
Her dad advised her to be brutally honest with Colton, and so when they sat down for dinner, she told him she wasn't sure.
"I don't want to see you leave here not having what you came here for," she told him.
"But if it's not with a person at the end of this that I feel the strongest for and the most potential with, then it's not worth it," he said.
"I love you so much, I'm not like, in love," she said.
He asked her if she came there planning on leaving that night, and she said "mmhmm, but not because I don't care about you so much, 'cause I don't know if I can get there."
Cassie walked out and Colton followed her, telling her he's OK with being patient, and she just kept saying "I don't know, I don't know, I'm so confused."
Colton threw the normal stupid rules of these overnight dates out the window, declaring he couldn't lose her, and he couldn't stop thinking about her, and when he was on dates with other women, all he did was think about her.
He then turned into a straight up romcom dream guy, recalling what they said to each other on the beach in Thailand and telling her everything is going to be OK.
"At the end of this, if I see a better future with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and our relationship isn't ready for an engagement, it's not ready for an engagement. It's OK to take your time," he said. "I care for you, I love you, I want it to be you at the end of this, engagement or not."
No matter what impossibly perfect lines Colton threw at Cassie, she still decided that staying was the wrong decision for her, and she was going to leave, which she did, just constantly saying "I'm not sure I can get there."
Girl, he's giving you the time to find out! You don't have to leave in that van!
Colton was obviously distraught by this, mumbling bleeped words and saying "I'm done, I'm done with this."
He took off from his hotel room, running off, leaving PAs to yell for somebody to get Chris Harrison. Chris arrived and did his best to chase after Colton, only to then watch him jump over the fence.
"He just jumped the f--king fence," Chris said weirdly calmly for having just witnessed that incredible feat.
The production team then opened the fence with a button, and we were left with views of the dark while Chris and various other crew members called his name in the dark in Portugal.
"Holy s--t," Chris said. "He is gone."
TO BE CONTINUED. TO. BE. CONTINUED.
Listen, we've been burned before on this show, with things that looked dramatic not actually being quite as dramatic as they looked. This was possibly more dramatic than it looked originally, and it was so worth the wait. We know Colton was eventually found out there in the wilderness, due to the fact that we've seen him with our own eyes since then, but boy can we not wait to watch that happen.
We're also thrilled to see how this is going to end, with Hannah G probably waiting excitedly for her overnight date with absolutely no idea what has just gone down, while Tayshia's just chilling waiting for that rose ceremony that's definitely not happening.
We haven't been this interested in a Bachelor finale since...last season of The Bachelor!
Watch the video above to hear Colton sound off on the jump seen 'round the world.
The Bachelor airs tomorrow night at 8 p.m. and next Monday and Tuesday at 8 p.m. on ABC.