The Bachelor has finally made it to hometowns, and while Colton still didn't jump the fence yet, it was still a very special episode.
The hometown dates are always when the reality of this show sets in, when we go home to see where these girls are from and to meet their very traditional families who have just been sitting there for weeks wondering how the hell this could possibly work for their kid. All of the parents we met tonight were wildly skeptical as Colton walked in, but some of them softened by the end and were willing to give their "permission" for him to propose to their daughters.
We won't even get into that outdated aspect of this whole process, but we would like to say we found ourselves rooting against anyone giving "permission," just because of how insane that seems. No one has known each other long enough here to share a Netflix password, let alone a life together.
Some of the parents tonight said some real gems in the process of judging Colton and his relationship with their daughter/three other daughters, and we've captured them here for you.
"It sounds like you could just be friends. What's the difference?" —Caelynn's perfect stepdad John was clearly on the right track, because it was Caelynn who didn't survive to the fantasy suite. Maybe she and Colton can just be friends?
"What are you talking about, guy who I just met three minutes ago? I was taken aback. She's always been mine." —Hannah G's mom, not buying it.
"What are your intentions with my daughter, man?" —an excellent question from Hannah G's father
"She left here a mama's girl, and she came back a woman in love." —Hannah G's mom, changing her tune.
"Colton's gonna have to be a superstar, if you will." —Tayshia's dad. We will, sir.
"This whole six weeks, to me is like, what are you guys talking about?" —Taysha's dad is noooot here for this.
"You seem like a smart man, right? And sometimes is somebody's just falling back on their default word of saying "fallin' in love" and whatnot, that's the wrong thing to be doing, because now you're just creating a web, if you will." —Tayshia's dad, once again, killing it. Honestly a little sad he changed his mind and agreed to give his blessing later on.
"We don't know him, but he seemed like a, you know, guy." —Cassie's dad with the best description of any person on this show ever. "A, you know, guy." He did not give Colton permission to get engaged to his daughter, and he also didn't take it back.
After all that, it was Caelynn who was sent home, and now we'll just be sitting here for a week waiting for that DANG FENCE JUMP. It's officially happening next week, but it's coming along with Colton saying things like when he loses his virginity, he wants it to be "the greatest thing she's ever felt."
Good luck with that, buddy.
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8 p.m on ABC, and the next two weeks will also feature a special on Tuesday at 8 p.m. on ABC.