What's got Lauren Conrad and her pissy publicist's panties in a twist at a recent Chi-town charity event? You won't believe the ree-dick demand she reportedly made...plus, more goss and gab on the writers' strike, and what's Tori Spelling scarfing down? Something tells us it's not on the NutriSystem diet...
Lauren Conrad

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Just because The Hills is on hiatus doesn't mean the heart-stopping drama ceases in the celebrated, heady life of Lauren Conrad. Lauren-love was in Chicago this past weekend as the celeb host at Crobar, for its Holiday for Hope Fundraiser. (Good "friend" Brody Jenner was also in town this very same weekend, how ironic.)

Guests were asked to bring unwrapped gifts for less fortunate kids. Good idea, don't you think? Also, just happened to set the stage, beautifully, for the childish antics you're about to read:

As this was all for a charitable cause, sponsors were asked to donate their goods and services. One such company was Exotic Coach Limo, which said it had graciously comped Lauren's limo for the night, along with pitching in for prezzies, too divine! "We bought a bunch of toys and spent hundreds of dollars so that the limo could pull up with Lauren and be full of toys for the cause," said this worker bee in the know.

Brody Jenner

Mark Sullivan/WireImage.com

At 10 p.m., a 14-passenger, pearly white 2007 BMW X5 stretch job stuffed with toys pulled up to the W Lakeshore to fetch Lauren.

But then Lauren and her publicist got word that the car sent was...white. Quelle horreur! Apparently L.C.'s publicist barked, all bad mood 'n' all, "It's bad for your image to be seen in a white limo." Um, what? Since when does the color of the car chauffeuring you have anything to do with your persona? Thought Mariah Carey was the only bitch who demanded being luxury lifted in glistening-white wheels? Or is that precisely the point?

(And apparently, these know-it-alls were very upset and in a supreme mood to bitch, as we've noticed the same fab Chi-town blog we've linked to on down in the column, for another part of this stupid story, also mysteriously became intimately aware of the following gross actions you'll no doubt want to upchuck over, unless your name happens to be Heidi.)

So what happened, you ask? According to our Windy City firsthand sources, Lauren actually refused to get into the waiting limo because it was, indeed, white. Twenty minutes before the departure time, a text message was sent to the company canceling the limo altogether. "Lauren is freaking out because she doesn't want a white limo," it read. "Sorry."

Sorry indeed.

Whitney Port

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So finally, the limo was sent over to Crobar sans Her Royal Sighness, and the presents were delivered—only because the Exotic peeps wanted the kids to get their goodies. L.C., we're told, was only concerned with car paint. The limo company, by the by, isn't quite sure how Lauren ended up getting to the event.

"Maybe she flew in on her broomstick," they fumed. And as long as we're on the broomstick patrol, perhaps L.C.'s rep could invest in one, too? According to a Chicago gossip blog, the Conrad mouthpiece continued right along being bitchy at the actual event, trying to control reporters' questions, the bossy-ass nerve!

Interestingly enough, Lauren's Hills costars Whitney Port and Audrina Patridge are hosting a party at Crobar Dec. 28. Wonder if they'll be anywhere near as color-coordinated as Lauren?

T.R. Knight

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Oh, at that GLASS event we gabbed 'bout yesterday, should also add—apart from T.R. Knight's Isaiah Washington s--ts 'n' giggles we already mentioned—that Desperate Housewives creator and guru Marc Cherry was also on benevolent-powered hand, as well as the writing genius Bruce Vilanch, who's madly helping the even madder Bette Midler gear up for her big Vegas comeback next year. Though both dudes weren't exactly gay, considering the town is virtually shut down due to the writers' strike.

"You must be the only one still working," B.V. bitched to this (nonunion) entertainment reporter. Sometimes feels that way, surely, while so many talented colleagues are suffering the belabored sitch. "[Continue reporting] while you're still young and pretty," advised Desperate wunderkind Cherry, before adding, "which should be at least until the strike is over." Bitchy!

Bette Midler

Jim Spellman/WirEImage.com

"That's so Teri of you," I counterbitched.

"That's the meanest thing you've ever said to me," M.C. counterbitch-bitched.

And as far as outta-control meowing goes, brace yourselves: Vilanch will be filling Bette up with lines that'll make the whole Desperate diva showdown look downright Disneyesque. "Will you be making Bette's mouth disgustingly foul?" I inquired.

"Oh, absolutely," B.V. insisted.

Can't wait.

Tori Spelling

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Tori Spelling, pigging out in front of her trainer. Love a gal who munches with gusto, just like moi. Tori, her trainer and her baby, Liam, all had lunch at Food Court on Third Street. Saturday in Hell-Ay. Tor-babe looked divine but slightly tacky, per usual. Ms. S wore a peasant blouse, jeans, big sunnies and her roots showed supreme. T.S. didn't eat much of the salad she ordered, but Liam, on the other hand, ate an entire bowl of mac and cheese, surprising other diners. The kid's not even a friggin' year old yet! For dessert, the happening place comped their chocolate banana bread pudding, and Tori inhaled almost the whole thing in front of her trainer. I do the same thing with whole pizzas, darling. Grubbing on healthier fare elsewhere were...
Brian Austin Green

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Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green, havin' a low-key din-din. The engaged hons had sushi at Matsuhisa on Saturday night. Brian was showing off his tats, in a green striped T-shirt, while B's equally inked gal chose a more demure look, donning specs. Meg and Bri were also with a little girl, whom our soosh spy didn't recognize. Practicing parenting, you two? Finagling to get a rez at another raw-fish joint was...
Dave Navarro

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Dave Navarro, talkin' on the phone while working out his impressive bod. Howev, Dave-doll was being way douchey at Equinox in West Hollywood. Not only was he on his cell in the gym, but he was wearing sunglasses inside. Ick! Carmen's ex, in black pants and an ebony tank, was trying to get a table at Katsuya. "Sorry to keep harassing you," he kept saying, pushing for a place at the jammed joint. No word on whether the diminutive, muscled dude's persistence paid off. Breaking a sweat being a tad more butch was...
Jeremy Piven

Eddie Malluk/WireImage.com

Jeremy Piven, at the same star-studded workout stable. J.P. is apparently a newcomer at Equinox, as our regular sweat informer reports he hasn't seen him there before. It was tough to tell how the Pivs' body was looking these days, as he was all bundled up. J was carrying, but not wearing, a red baseball cap. Is that to throw on in case he gets mauled?
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