Matt Leinart throws a philanthropic party, but Nick Lachey doesn’t wanna play...at least not with the press line! Plus, how's Matt's game off the field? And while we're asking, how's fellow athlete Andy Roddick's? Their answers might surprise you, kinda like this week's saucy and sassy mailbag!

Hold onto your private parts, doll-babes, ‘cause some celebs below sure are. Keep reading:
Matt Leinart

Paul Fenton/KPA/ZUMA Press

Matt Leinart, along with celebs like Nick Lachey and Kristin Davis and sports stars such as Andy Roddick and Maria Sharapova, launched the Matt Leinart Foundation Thursday night with a bowling bash at Lucky Strike. The sporty shindig was a charity function to raise moolah for Matt’s foundation, which will benefit underprivileged kids. Fab! Need more of that kinda stuff, fer sure.
“I’ve wanted to do this my whole life,” the recent daddy dished. “Growing up, I wanted a chance to give back to the community, and to be able to do that with the resources and people I know, it’s great.”
Paris Hilton

Amy Graves/WireImage.com

Not so great, apparently, is Matt’s luck with the gals. Or so he said, when asked about his worst dating strikeouts.

“Believe it or not, I’ve had a lot of bad things happen,” he said. Like Paris Hilton perhaps? We kid, we kid. “But I don’t want to get into it and embarrass myself.”

Vanessa Minillo, Nick Lachey

Chris Weeks/WireImage.com

Seemingly embarrassed himself was Nick Lachey, who arrived in a black SUV solo and ducked the entire press line, without even taking pics. Guess he’s blushing over those seminaughty hot tub pics with him and Vanessa Minnillo. I don’t see what the big deal is, honestly—it’s not like he was caught playing taxi to a tranny hooker or something, like Eddie Murphy. And now that we’ve brought up that dubious sitch, I think it’s a te-riff time to hit this week’s hotheaded high-heel types, don’t you? Of course, ya do! Read randy on!
Daniel Radcliffe

Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Have you seen Daniel Radcliffe's cover on Details? Hot, yet...after that turn in Equus and the D interview, I think Harry may be more into Ron than Hermione. Any scoop?
  Stacey
  Huntsville, Alabama
Dear Harry Hotter:
Hey, Danny boy hasn't even turned 18. He, like Harry, prolly hasn't had much experience with the gals just yet. Give him time!
Isaiah Washington

Michael Caulfield/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
I'm not much of a gossip person. On rare occasions a name might catch my attention and draw me to your column. Such is the case with Isaiah Washington. Though I did not watch the interview with Larry King, I must agree with him that you resurrected an issue that had been properly addressed and laid to rest. Most of the folks in the media have failed the public in their responsibility (e.g., the Iraq War), but I guess considering you're a journalist might give you more credibility/responsibility than necessary. Yes, I disagree with the word Mr. Washington might have uttered, but I thought your question at the awards ceremony was pointless, tacky and downright disrespectful to the entire cast on such a beautiful night.
  Patrick
  New York City
Dear Demented:
So, diamonds and designer-frock inquiries (which is what most of those backstage queries usually consist of) trump human rights?
Dear Ted:
Hey, we can one-up you. In the craziness that is Dubai, we are managing with one car between us. No signs of hybrids here in the land of the giant carbon footprint.
  Julie
  Dubai, Dubai
Dear Global Green:
You go, you non-gas guzzlin’ girlfriend!
Leonardo DiCaprio

Cosima Scavolini/LaPresse/ZUMA Press

Dear Ted:
We bought a Honda Civic Hybrid two years ago and dearly love it—mostly average about 42 mpg. We just put a new Alpine stereo in it today, in fact: It plugs into our iPod and makes the speakers shake...awesome. Loves ya, cutie!
  Donna M.
Dear Smooth Rider:
Glad to hear you're enjoying environmentally friendly fun! Leo would be proud.
Paris Hilton

Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
As for Paris' feet-first jump back into the social scene, who can blame her?! Having been a twentysomething partier myself, she should have fun at this point—what else has she got to do? And do people really expect her to be some type of role model? Puh-leeze! Old gals like me (33 and holding) need someone to live vicariously through—ha!
  Debbie
  Birmingham, Alabama
Dear Kathy Hilton:
All I'm saying is if she wants to be a professional party girl, admit it already and embrace it! Don't go runnin' your not so Virgin Mary mouth on Larry King claiming the opposite.
Paula Abdul

Jeffrey Geller/ZUMA Press.com

Dear Ted:
Okay, I've got this figured out. After seeing Paula Abdul in her Simon wig, I realized she and John Stamos are actually the same person. What we have been mistaking for meltdowns is actually the morphing process from one celebrity persona to the other. Whaddya think?
  Eudie
  Charlestown, Indiana
Dear H'wood Sleuth:
I think that would make all the sense in the world why Rebecca Romijn would then find Jerry O'Connell a catch.
Question Mark Silouette
Dear Ted:
I have a Toothy Tile question (as if you could ever get enough of those), my gossip guru. Are Toothy's initials in the first half of the alphabet, or the second? FYI: I'm asking about his real name, not pseudonym, so no tricks please.
  Lorraine
  Ottawa, Ontario
Dear Det. Homo:
No.
Dear Ted:
What happened to baby Tile? Did Toothy and b-f Tile have the kid or did they give up on the idea of becoming dads? Are they still together and superdomesticated? I love your column and read it every day!
  Ashley
  London
Dear Family Matters:
Give the nonnuclear fam time, doll-babe.
Ben Stein

Nancy Kaszerman/Zuma Press

Dear Ted:
I've been reading your column ever since you graced the online pages with Ben Stein—just typing that makes me realize how E! Online has changed.
  Danielle
  Clearwater, Florida
Dear Mother:
I take it that’s not a compliment? Never mind, don’t even wanna know.          

 

Brandon Davis

Chris Weeks/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Okay, Ted...excuse my freak museum curiosity and clue me in—who or what is a "Brandon Davis"? Is his claim to fame his parents? He appears to be a horrific sideshow attraction in appearance and action.
  Mary
  Allen, Michigan
Dear Can't Help but Stare:
My dear, he's the gonzo genius who lovingly dubbed Lindsay Lohan "Firecrotch." Plus, in this town, loads o' moolah trumps oil slicks any day. Although if his wealthy 'rents really are cutting him off, as has been reported, he'll fall off hte social scene for good. One can dream, right?
Heather Locklear

Lisa O'Connor/ZUMApress.com

Dear Ted:
Fake-à-la Ferocity of One Needling Blind Vice makes me think of Heather Locklear. Could it be true? She has always had a good reputation in the media.
  Kim
  Houston
Dear Spinnin' the Wrong Way:
Not a terrible guess, but wrong, nonetheless. Fakey ain’t a blond babe...least, not right now.
Fahrenheit 9/11, Michael Moore

Lions Gate

Dear Ted:
Do you think P.Hil (Paris) could ever hook up with MiMoo (Michael Moore)? She can offer him style, and he could give her a platform.
  Darla
  Salem, Virginia
Dear Cupid:
Excellent idea, my PR-savvy friend. Maybe she can be the subject of his next documentary exposé?
Jennifer Aniston

1634/MostWanted/ZUMAPress.com

Dear Ted:
Why is there never anything negative written about Jennifer Aniston? Her movies are flops, she has limited acting range, boring fashion style...
  Maria
  San Francisco
Dear Blind:
Uh, you must not check into this column much, doll-cake.
Dear Ted:
I love your columns and Blind Vices and I want to contribute in the "Toothy Tile Twenty Questions" game. Is Toothy known to be an animal lover?
  Mary
  Washington, D.C.
Dear PETA Hopeful:
Uh, yes, but isn’t everybody (or at least pretend to be) in this hairy town?
Josh Duhamel

Jean-Paul Aussenard/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Is Bulbous Seymour from One Pansy -Pushing Blind Vice Josh Duhamel? If not, then please give us some damn clues, 'cause there aren't many!
  Torrie
  Los Angeles
Dear Deluded:
How could Bulbous be Josh? That hunk is over the moon for Fergie and her stripper-pole moves, for whatever reason. Bulbous is a little less pretty than Josh, but buffer...think bulging biceps and rippling pecs.
Jessica Simpson

Yasky/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Did anyone else double over with laughter upon reading that Jessica Simpson was planning a "romantic rendezvous" with Jake Gyllenhaal?
  Donna
  Miami
Dear Laugh 'n' a Half:
You mean other than Reese Witherspoon?
Jack Nicholson

steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Are there any straight guys left in Hollywood? (Were there ever any?) Can you even name five straight actors? And Jack Nicholson doesn't count...
  Chiara
  Nashville
Dear Straight Inquisitor:
Sorry, wrong columnist.
Jessica Alba

1471/ZUMApress.com

Dear Ted:
I'm pretty sure I've got this one: Fake-à-la Ferocity is Jessica Alba. She's gotten bony and is spending lots of time in public restrooms. I'm right, aren't I?
  Chas
  Denver
Dear Wrong Bony Babe:
I don’t know what Alba’s doin’ in the loo, but she’s not our smack-happy honey.
Dear Ted:
I just celebrated day 100 of not smoking, and I've got to tell you I feel positively smabulous!
  Vixy
  Sedona, Arizona
Dear Smoke-Free Sweetie:
Tell it to Paris, hon-cake, not moi!
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