The June issue's blow-by-blow account of all the preparations leading up to the "Touch My Body" songbird's 38th birthday off the coast of Antigua would have been at least mildly interesting to us a few weeks ago—that is, before her impromptu wedding to Nick Cannon (who is mentioned in the article as a "recent acquaintance").
But now, reading about how "fuchsia feather boas drip from arms of every chair" seems so passé.
Still, we appreciate the photos, Vibe. Really, we do.
They'll give us something to stare at till somebody else comes along with the info we really care about.