Angelina Jolie is a tough broad to get over, fer sure, but badmouthing the babe ain’t the way to go, Billy Bob. Plus, an on-set insider has some choice words for Rob Lowe, while two superSmart H’wood manly men are locking lips—and it ain’t two you’d ever expect together. Or not?

Rob Lowe

Rena Durham/ZUMApress.com

Looks like we’ve got another dubious diva to add to our ever-growing secret A.T. files. It’s none other than Rob “did he or didn’t he do wrong the nanny” Lowe. Lowe-hon has become a bigger star with all this scandal than he ever was for his acting ability, so very Paris of him. One of our sly on-set sources of a movie Robbie L. had a part in is only adding more prickly kindling to the fire: According to said firsthand witness, R.L. is “the nastiest, foul-mouthed, irrational, insanely demanding, a-hole I’ve ever worked with.” Uh, why don’t you tell us how you really feel, yikes—and no wonder R.L.'s such good friends with Ah-nuld...

Kobe Bryant

ZumaPress.com

Oh, there’s more: While filming this partick flick, Rob had his own personal “babysitter” kind of assistant who shadowed him 24/7. Set up by none other than Mrs. Sheryl Lowe, we wonder? Desk BabySat insists the frumpy minder, who also acted as Lowie’s hair and makeup woman, watched him like a hawk lest a sexy P.A. swagger into Robbie’s peripheral vision.

Rob-hon, you’ve been around long enough to know the truth comes out eventually. Perhaps you just want to use the money you would spend in court to buy your wife a big ol' rock? Worked for Kobe, didn’t it? And, of course, we’re just Vanity Fair kidding around here, didn’t mean to imply anything unseemly would happen with you in a professional sitch. Not evuh!

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Jerome Ware/ZUMApress.com

We put on our thinkin’ comedy caps and checked out the Hell-Ay premiere of Get Smart in Westwood. We happen to be big fans of the original series, so we’re trusting this film adaptation is more Sex and the City successful and less Dukes of Hazzard drek. One thing the '60s sitcom didn’t have was the megamuscular mantastic The Rock—that is, the Artist Formerly Known as The Rock, Dwayne Johnson.

D.J.’s career has morphed from wild wrestler to kiddie-friendly cinematic go-to guy, so what should we expect, Rockie-no-more? “You can expect to laugh and be entertained. And I wear some pretty cool clothes in it, some nice suits.” Guess even Dwaynie knows that half his appeal is his bod, tho we much prefer it sans suits and more Scorpion King clothesless.

Masi Oka

Lisa O' Connor/ZUMApress.com

Masi Oka, who plays Hiro on Heroes, is well on his way from TV fan fave to movie man. Call it a case of the Katherine Heigls, tho we doubt this sweet guy would ever say a sour word about his show’s writers, or anybody for that matter.

So, M.O., which part of Hollywood needs to get smart, so to speak? “Right now, the negotiations.” 'Course, Masi-babe’s blabbing about the possibly upcoming actor’s strike, which is like the sequel to the writers' strike: bigger, badder and with more villains. Oka-hon continues: “If we need to get smart, we need to go green.” A little cliché celeb-speak, but nonetheless true, n’est-ce pas?

What hit TV show should never be turned into a big-screen movie? “I would say our show, Heroes.” That’s what Kim Cattrall said, doll, and look now. We so know that if Hayden Panettiere wanted to take it full-length, the producers would be on that like a football jock on the head cheerleader.

Nate Torrence

AP Photo

Masi’s Smart costar, funnyman Nate Torrence, goes in another direction with our query. “Growing Pains, maybe? If they did an action sequence, I think it could be good...or it could be a musical! And Family Ties! We’re writing something right now that needs to be pitched to Marvel tomorrow.” Kirk Cameron in a cape? Consider us there. And to think, we never thought a superhero could get geekier than Tobey Maguire.

Steve Carell

John Shearer/WireImage.com

How was it working with blossoming comedy icon Steve Carell? Learn any good knock-knock jokes? “I don’t know if I learned anything, as much as I sat in awe watching him keep coming out with jokes,” says N.T. “He has like 30 takes in him, it’s pretty impressive.”

We wonder how many takes Steve-O needed when getting a little close to Dwayne-babe’s Agent 23. “I did more than kiss Steve—I planted one right on his lips," says Johnson. “It was a dream come true for him, and it was just so special to me.” Two star-crossed lovers finding each other. Only (legally) now in California.

Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise

Anthony, PacificCoastNews.com

A friend of a friend of a—well you know how it goes here in H'wood—knows the contractor who is doing a bit o’ work on the mysterious house in Ottawa Hills, Ohio, that may or may not be home to the real-estate mystery ones otherwise known as Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Here’s the kicker: “The couple” who supposedly lives there has completely outrageous demands. Gasp! Never TomKat!

“The owner,” relay reliable locals—and trust me here, babes—will call the contractor to find out when he is going to be working and then proceed to instruct him on where he is allowed to be in the house, what time he is allowed on certain areas of the patio, etc. “The owner” provides restrictions on garbage pickup, which cannot be taken by the local trash collectors. Instead, they have a private service to remove refuse, paparazzi included, perhaps? And like any normal home proprietor, mail delivery to the house is not, of course, allowed. Drivers have also been known to pick the couple up and drop them off at this very home.

Ummm...so why all the speculation, people, seems friggin’ obvious to us. The “owner” is demanding, controlling, and secretive? Sheesh, you might as well stake a sign in the front law that says, “Enter at Your Own Risk: Famous Scientologist/Actor/Short Person Lives Here.”

Billy Bob Thorton

Jamie McCarthy/WireImage.com

Angie's last hub-unit, Billy Bob Thornton, reportedly opened his trap about his former wife while promoting his new CD—yup, an album, not a film, and we all know how well actors turned singers do on the charts. "She is just going through a high school phase,” B2T said of Angiekins. “You know, dating the quarterback of the football team with Brad Pitt over there. She'll be waking up from that dream in no time. Who knows if I'll be there when she's ready to come to her senses, though." Now that he mentions it, who wouldn’t want to see a remake of She’s All That starring Angelina? From arty, goth bisexual to glam, do-gooding mama, that’s one metamorphosis that should definitely have a cinematic interpretation.

 

Laura Dern

Jordan Strauss/WireImage.com

A rep from the actor says all the superspecifically worded quotes, which first appeared on AskMen.com, were false. Hmmm. Would it be bitchy to say right about now that we’re more likely to believe Billy B. can succeed as a singer than P.R.-spin protector of Angie’s honor? Just saying. And Billy-Babe coulda been sarcastic, not serious, about A-hon wanting to go another round. You know how dry those Arkansas Oscar winners can be, doncha? Oh, the self-proclaimed playboy is also rumored to have blurted, “They all come back.” Do they, Billy? We don’t see Laura Dern knocking down your door—ya know, the gal you were shacked up with until you heard the sweet siren song of Jolie. We hope A.J.’s quite comfy in her million-dollar French villa with her talented, gorge Pitt partner, at least for their legion of kids’ sakes. And lucky for her, she doesn’t have to humor your music career anymore.

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