From Tom Cruise bashers (what else is new in town?) to republican-party dashers (ditto on the what else biz), everybody's as pissy in town today as certain colleagues of Sharon Stone and Demi Moore. Ready to get grumpy with it? Sure ya are!
Heads-up, darlin's, I'm gonna talk politics a bit. I know, I know: You badass babies live to hear me go on 'bout that par-tick subject—not. But never fear, it ain't from my puss. It's from people who are even more impressed with what comes outta their mouths than I am about myself—and that's saying something, clearly.
Robert Kennedy

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Bobby, Emilio Estevez's pet project about the assassination of Robert Kennedy, kicked off the AFI Fest with a glitzy, star-studded premiere at Grauman's Chinese Theater last Wednesday. I'm sure you all know that this film's ensemble cast has some major heavy hitters from all walks of T-town, from Anthony Hopkins to Lindsay Lohan.

The carpet was chaos, as expected when you get that many A-listers in one public place. And screams could be heard 'cross Hollywood Boulevard as Ashton and Demi exited their limo and posed for pics together, all cute 'n' coupley.

Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher

Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com

Demi, though, I must report, didn't dare come near a reporter. At least, not that I could see. Maybe that's because the hot mama now literally looks younger than her own teenagers. She's like a matronly Dorian Gray, really. Wonder what's up in her attic? Bills from heaven know which fancy-ass fountain-of-youth outfits, and I'm certain D.M. doesn't want nosy types like moi asking about such.
Now, quite on the opposite canoodling end from D.&A. was Bobby star William H. Macy, who came without his wife-unit, Desperate Housewive's Felicity Huffman. Maybe that was because he didn't wanna be distracted by the wifey while delivering such impassioned speeches to members of the press. Take his lengthy answer to my query asking if the unpopular Vietnam War, which is a backdrop to Bobby, is at all similar to the current sitch in Iraq.
William H. Macy

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"There we were in a war that was based on a faulty premise," Bill began about Vietnam. "They were lying to us; it was going nowhere; it had no future. There was nothing to defend, and there was nothing to gain. And that's exactly where we are right now."
 
All right, bro, tell me how ya really feel!
 
"And that war [Vietnam] sort of grew," Mr. Macy continued. "Administration after administration had it handed to them, so you couldn't point your finger at any one administration and say, 'This is your mess. You clean it up.'
 
"This war, we can," W.M. exclaimed. "We know exactly who did it, and it's based on lies, and I'm really cranky about it."
 
No merde? Well, me too, doll-babe. In fact, just got a butt-pile o' bitchy mail about my most recent comments on Dubya (those barks we'll get to tomorrow). Oh, and just for the Republican-bashing record, Bill ain't in love with the Dems, either, but that's fer another column.
Lindsay Lohan

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Pissy politics aside, let's talk divas. Now, Linds arrived dead last, quelle surprise. Ms. L., like the paparazzi princess she is, donned a multilayered black lace number with a buncha clutching buds in tow, in lieu of a handbag, I 'spose. However, I bet my bitchy bucks that L.L. wasn't the prissiest prima donna on the Bobby set.
 
Ya know why? 'Cause you also got Sharon Stone doin' scenes with Demi on that damn ensemble pic. And since you can't exactly ask whose catty claws were longest (or sharpest), I compromised with the following Q to myriad stars: Whose on-set persona was larger than life?
Sharon Stone

ZUMAPress.com

"Sharon Stone has a big shadow," W.H.M. answered, suddenly pithy. Why that, hon? She scare you, too?
 
Weighing in for Team Moore was David Krumholtz: "I worked with Demi, who I believe is going to win an Academy Award for her performance in this film," he blithered on. How much she pay you for that one, doll?
 
I kid, I kid, 'cause Demi truly is in fine form, despite dissing half the media there. Her and Ashton's characters are both over-the-top types: an aging, alcoholic singer and a hippie, LSD-dropping drug dealer, respectively. Sharon Stone's turn as a hairdresser/scorned wife is fab, too. And Lindsay's portrayal of a young bride marrying a desperate Vietnam deportee is almost enough to make me forgive her for Just My Luck.
Nick Cannon

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As the final scenes of Kennedy's life played out onscreen, interspersed with actual footage of the night along with the film and with an historical voice-over from one of his best speeches, there weren't many dry eyes in the Chinese. The gal on my left was blubbering, the grown guy next to me was crying, and Nick Cannon, who was sitting a few rows away from me, was, like, totally teary.
 
Props for peace and its proponents—and for this bitchin' flick.
Heather Graham

Darby Shaw/ZUMAPress.com

Oh, and speakin' of Bobby babes, I've got reports that the heavenly Heather Graham is most definitely dating Charles Ferri, hunky owner of Hamptons hot spot Star Room. The good-looking twosome was seen at the library bar of a swanky New Yawk hotel on 57th Street, bein' way lovey-dovey while they hung with a group of Heather-hon's gal-pals.
 
"She had her head on Charles' shoulder, and they seemed very sweet together," gushed gooey onlookers. To up the sickeningly sweet factor, the waitstaff claimed she's "the nicest celeb they've ever waited on" and she's "so beautiful you can hardly look at her."
 
Hey, Linds, could you grab me a paper towel from all those bathroom runs you go on these days? Need something to heave into, already.
 
Just kidding. Have fun, you two lucky lovebirds!
Hilary Swank

Lester Cohen/WireImage.com

Also, should let you baddie busybodies know, just for the after-the-fact record, that I'm hearing from Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe's mutual amigos (yes, they still have one or two) that Hil-baby, according to these buds, was "emotionally" checking out on Chad for quite some time.
 
At least back to the 2000 Oscars, I'd say, wouldn't you?
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