Drop those gardening tools, stash that low-fat, shiitake-surprise casserole in the fridge and put away the hobby glue--we're going to court. Ma'am, yes ma'am, Martha Stewart has filed a $10 million libel suit against the National Enquirer after the checkout line rag printed a story in September that came equipped with a headline reading, "Martha Stewart mentally ill--bizarre behavior leads experts to fear."

Nope, the woman behind the eponymous lifestyle-improvement franchise that includes a television show and a magazine--the same one who avoided prosecution recently when a gardener claimed she tried to run him over in her car--can tile her swimming pool with spent credit cards all day long if she wants to, but don't call her crazy. Not if you don't want to bump attaché cases with her lawyer, Barry Langberg. He filed a $10 million claim for Stewart against the Enquirer Thursday in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles.

In its story, the Enquirer enlisted the help of Dr. Leland Heller, who is referred to as a "nationally renowned expert" on the condition of borderline personality disorder. (We hear he also keeps a mean rose garden.) "All the textbook symptoms that define BPD can be found in Martha Stewart!" the Enquirer quotes Heller.

The doc also checks off a list of classic BPD symptoms he believes Stewart has revealed: frantic fear of abandonment; feelings of uselessness and emptiness; and near-constant anger. "She reportedly has indulged in self-mutilation and threatened suicide," Heller tells the tabloid. And further: "A hallmark of BPD is where the person alternates in extremes between treating friends and family like they're great or like they're dirt. This seems to mark nearly every one of Martha's relationships!" (Heller loves those exclamation points!)

Responds Ms. Good Thing, in a statement from her publicist: "After careful consideration, I have concluded that I can no longer tolerate nor endure the publication of material such as this."

Stewart also claims she "has suffered damage to her reputation, shame, mortification, and emotional distress," as a result of the Florida-based tabloid's article.

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