Paris Hilton, Leonardo DiCaprio

AP Photo/Dan Steinberg, Ron Galella/Getty Images

Leonardo DiCaprio is pretty much the perfect celebrity: good looks, great talent, dates models and most importantly, is all about the causes. Leo has inspired his younger fans to vote with a star-addled, viral PSA, and now he's onto helping out some nonhumans with the International Fund for Animal Welfare. Dude obviously gets bored just making movies.

Today's the start of the annual Animal Action Week, and this year's objective is "to protect the ocean and marine wildlife from the impact of human activities." Paris should sign up for a crash course pronto. Prof. DiCaprio could sure teach her a few things about animal activism. The way she treats her pooches on land doesn't leave much hope should dolphins ever be up for adoption.

We can totally see it now: sea lions as the new It pet in '09. We'd like to see her try and schlep that around in her purse down Robertson Boulevard. Oh, and can Sharon Stone also get familiar with how to protect animals? 'Cause no leopard would be caught dead wearing such heinous pants.

—Additional sass by Becky Bain

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