Michael Phelps

Joe Fury

Michael Phelps told People mag that he doesn't really consider himself a ladies' man—good thing, neither do we! Says M.P., "When I go out, go to dinner, I go out with friends, and we stay to ourselves. I don't think of myself as a sex symbol. My mom is by far the most important woman in my life."

Sweet, but B.S. Mikey's been makin' his rounds like a guy hopin' to score out of the pool, hitting up all the hot spots on both coasts, which is exactly where he ran into our bedroom eyes (and her lips, and then some).

Maybe too many women were reporting back to their pals with negative press on Phelpie's lack of skills and he decided to run the other way to a sure thing: endorsement deals. Smart move, Mikey! Cereal boxes can't squawk back to their friends how disappointing it is being in your mouth.

And People is such the perf place these days for those darling, public-swaying statements regarding situations that may not be what they at first appear to headline be! What a quick learner you're already turning out to be, Phelps. Well done, dude!

—Additional sass by Becky Bain

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