Jennifer Aniston

Fame Pictures

Dear Ted:
Although I agree that at this point Jen Aniston should head back to TV, I have a small quibble with your opinion of her movies. Have you forgotten Derailed? She was scary-good in that one. Showed a lot of potential, I thought. Too bad it was never realized. Love the column and the new format, btw.

Dear Ani-fan:
We did forget Derailed, 'cause it bombed. Is it too much to ask for J.A. to stretch her acting abilities in a more high-profile pic?

Dear Ted:
How do you figure that Sarah Palin is "just a good ol' boy" when she's the only one in the campaign who is actually speaking her own mind? Do you believe anyone who practices free market capitalism a good ol' boy? Would you rather she be a practicing socialist like Hillary? Or a closet Islamo-fascist like Obama? God bless the good old boys, for they are the ones who built this country into greatness, not those pansy liberals. They are the ones defending this country, not those "code pink" cowards. If you're not happy here, take your whining somewhere else, Ted, you moronic fool. You obviously don't know what Americans want.

Dear Inclusive:
Pansy liberals? Code Pink? I'm surprised you didn't tell me to hightail it into the gas chambers instead of another country. Palin must be so proud to call you a supporter.

Dear Ted:
Even your photo in the top banner of your website is cliched, disgusting, fake, ugly and try-hard. You're not a star. You never will be. You're just another failed Hollywood hanger-on who has no where else to go and so has decided to wither away doing s--tty odd jobs which no one will ever take you seriously for. Nice life.

Dear AC/Dicey:
I take it you're writing on behalf of the darling has been otherwise known as Tom Green? Yeah, been there, heard that.

Dear Ted:
You are so sassy! I knew Toothy Tile was Matthew McConaughey. And then you gave it away stating that Liev Schrieber and Toothy have a much in common...duh, like Liev scrambled is Levi, Matthew's new baby. Seriously! Brilliant. I'm a Republican, through and through...but honestly Ted, I think we would be great buddies. Why can't elephants and donkeys just get along? I adore you.
—J. Strauss

Dear Jungle Joneser:
Why does everybody in the world think M.M. is T.T.? (He's not.) I simply find that fascinating. Adore you back!

Dear Ted:
I absolutely can't stand the format and color of the AT site now. I know, I know, I know you don't care, you're past it...but anyone who's says they like it is just sucking up to you big-time. On another item, in your experienced estimation, what's the ratio of heteros to gays/lesbians in Hollywood? Just so I won't be shocked the next time I read one of your columns.

Dear Math Class:
1 in 10. Are straight, that is.

Dear Ted:
In Truth, Lies & Ted, noticed the bandage on Margo's backside. Is she OK? Hope so! Just recently lost my greyhound, Angus.
—Lynn, Conn.

Dear Dog Watch:
So sorry about Angus, truly I am. But, no worries on Margo, it's just her being a woman! The pound was obviously mistaken when they told us she'd been fixed, something we now have to make sure happens, once she's through her cramps, poor thing.

Dear Ted:
I love your column and even if you piss me off more often than not (especially when you badmouth Jennifer Aniston and Jen Garner), I just can't stop reading and following your work. I wish I knew how to quit ya! Is James Franco Toothy Tile?

Dear Toothy Tell All:
No, but dollmuff, you're so close more than a few fagolas in T-town are sweatin' plenty right about now. Nice detective work.

Dear Ted:
In regards to the scathing article on Tom Green: Boo. Ted. Boo.
—Dr. Jones

Dear Going Green:
Brevity is the soul of wit, said Shakespeare, and at least your criticism is a whole lot more compact than the others gripes we've been getting on Green.

Dear Ted:
You don't like Sarah Palin. I get it, that's cool. But unfortunately for you, there are many of us conservative Republicans out there that were not excited about McCain being the Republican nominee until he picked a fellow conservative Palin. As we saw in 2000 and 2004, we vote. I am now excited for this campaign, along with 99.9 percent of the rest of the conservative group of Americans, because McCain has proven in his selection of VP that he still knows what side his bread is buttered on. We all get to vote our conscience in November and make history either way. Enough of the politics...Did I mention I love the column? Belated congrats on the nuptials.

Dear Pumping Up Palin:
Is she making history by potentially becoming the first female veep, or the one with the least experience? Some history wasn't meant to be made.

Dear Ted:
Regarding your BV from this past Friday, sounds like Lloyd Boy-Toyed is an asshole of the highest order (and that's probably a compliment), and it also sounds like this jerk hurt you very badly, what a tool! I'm glad that you are happy in your marriage, that darlin' is the best revenge indeed!

Dear Best Served Cold:
Darling, I said no. Calm down. I'm fine.

Dear Ted:
I just wanted to say that I love your column, and I love Truth, Lies & Ted. I think you have a great personality, you're good on TV, and you have killer legs! Way to go!
—Cate, Chicago

Dear He's Got Legs:
You can't catwalk down Robertson without some pretty toned calves, the one thing I've learned from Paris' prancing all over H'wood. Thanks for the compliment, cutie.

Dear Ted:
I watched your recent TL&T. You are adorable didn't wash your hands after peeing and before eating your cereal. Ew.
No Name

Dear Mommie Dearest:
You should catch the places they don't wash on The Hills, honey. My palms are nothin' by comparison.

Dear Ted:
Does Lloyd Boy-Toyed have good-looking famous siblings?

Dear Sexy Sibs:
That would be an affirmative.

Dear Ted:
Is Lloyd Boy-Toyed Jon Voight?

Dear Angelina:
Haven't you gotten enough revenge on your father already? Answer's no.

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