Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie

Eric Charbonneau/

• Angelina Jolie is set to make her triumphant return to the world this October looking “kind of classic with a rock and roll edge," according to her stylist. Who's excited?!

See, we knew the Jonas Brothers wouldn't let some purity-ring jokes ruin their night. Why was everyone else so sensitive (cough, Jordin Sparks)?

• Ashton Kutcher is working as assistant football coach at private prep school, which will hopefully be more successful than his latest venture.

• Hilary Duff's dad is pulling a Michael Lohan. Come to think of it, Haylie Duff's been pulling an Ali her whole life, so maybe Hilary will pull a Lindsay and then the whole family can pull a Dina. Wow, too much Lohan, sorry.

No one heeded our plea to save Jenny Humphrey yesterday, and she's continuing her downward spiral.

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